The Diary of Lt. Dan

Betrayal of American Democracy

2011-07-18T15:17:00.000-07:00

I have expressed this sentiment several times in various forms, and it looks like I will unfortunately have cause to continue expressing it: we are being betrayed!

When I say we, I mean the American People. Not Republicans or Democrats. I mean all of us. We are all being betrayed by our own political system and the politicians that profit from it. See, there is a cancer that started growing around the US Constitution from almost day one. George Washington was wise enough to see it for what it was, and he spoke out against it, but his concerns fell on deaf ears. So the cancer was allowed to grow and spread until it has now become larger and more powerful in many ways than the original system that spawned it.

This cancer is the US Political Party system, and as long as it remains in its current form, no true democracy is possible in America.

The parties exist for one reason only: to consolidate money and power, and thereby ensure their own power and survival. The parties have no vested interest in giving the people what they want. Far from it. Rather, the parties both have a long and tedious record of becoming consumed in their own ideological bickering, the needs and desires of the American people be damned. The events of the past year are a case in point.

Congress has the job of authorizing funding for the federal government. This is one of their basic duties. But rather than finding a way to get this relatively kindergarten level problem resolved, the issue devolved into partisan fighting and bickering that almost resulted in all Federal employees and programs experiencing a pay freeze that would have been catastrophic to our already limping economy. Only in the eleventh hour, when all the politicians realized their jobs were on the line, did they close ranks and DO THEIR DAMN JOBS.

And now they are at it again, and over a very similar issue. This time it is the debt ceiling, but the results threaten to be similar. Their complete unwillingness to actually represent their constituents, and insistence on playing political gamesmanship is likely to take us again to the very brink of disaster before either side will give way. And who suffers in the mean time? The American Middle. Almost all of us.

The parties dictate the votes of our Senators and Congressmen. If a representative steps out of line with their party, they invariably are censured, miss out on funding, lose committee appointments, etc. So in order to be a powerful rep, you have to also be a powerful lackey. And the really anti democratic element is this: the People of the United States of America do not vote for the party leaders. They do that themselves. It is a voting process open to a very few select people, and only to those who are already members. These people then go about the business of making the decisions that rule our lives, and there is little to nothing that we can do to influence their policies.

I seem to remember another time that something similar happened. But that time the closed group was called the British House of Parliament, and the Party Leader was a man named King George. What has happened in the two centuries since then that Americans no longer want democracy? How have we been so duped as to allow these two feuding oligarchies that call themselves Parties to claim possession of our futures and political destinies?

Well, I am not so naive as to believe that the parties will ever willingly release their grasp on power. And as long as they have one another to deflect blame onto, they can convince the American Middle that they are both necessary to prevent some unspeakable but also undefinable ideological horror from sweeping the country. No, I do not think that we have the power, as sad as it is, to dislodge the parties. But there is something I think we can do: we can fire them all.

And that is what I propose. If any employee at any company repeatedly fails to do his job, or even if he puts off doing his job until he has placed the company in a crisis, that man would be fired. He should be fired. And so should our sitting government. We should fire all of them, and keep firing them, until they get the message: we need a government that works for US, not for itself. We need a government that empowers the American People, not the American Politicians.

So in this next election, and every time thereafter, when the government is failing you, protest the only way the system still allows you to - vote against the incumbent. Because as long as the old guard keeps winning, we are telling them one thing clearest of all: that we will continue to allow them to tread and trample all over us.

Training Update

2010-10-03T16:31:00.000-07:00

I just spent a week doing a Field Training Exercise, or FTX in Army speak. Basically, the FTX is like a week-long Army themed camping trip. We trained at Camp Bullis, which is inside a sort of wilderness area just north of San Antonio. We stayed in big tents, slept on Army cots, and ate MREs every day (much to the regret of my digestive system.)

The camp is actually quite comfortable. The tents are air conditioned, and there is hot chow for breakfast and dinner. However, there is one amenity that is very much missing: plumbing. No running water for showers, drinking water, or toilets. So we have to use wet-wipes to clean ourselves, portajohns to relieve ourselves, and water trailers to hydrate ourselves.

The training we did was largely interesting and enjoyable, but not always. Things like weapons training, casualty evacuation and care, and land navigation were a ton of fun. There were several simulators that we used to practice convoy movement, engaging the enemy, etc. There was also a simulator for practicing escaping a Humm-V in case of a roll over. That was hilarious.

The training that was less enjoyable was the gas chamber. After being instructed on the proper use of the gas mask, we all then entered a room where tear gas was being pumped into the room. The first thing I noticed was a sensation like an intense sunburn all around the exposed skin on my face and neck. But my mask was working fine, so I had no problems breathing. We had to do jumping jacks and stretches to get our hearts pumping, and then, to top it all off, we had to take our masks off and answer a series of questions to the best of our ability. That was awful. As soon as the mask comes off, the gas gets into your eyes and burns like madness. You can't breathe, but the pain makes you gasp, so you end up coughing, which brings even more of the painful stuff into your lungs. I was not fun. On the other hand, it was also nowhere near as bad as some of the prior service people were making it out to be.

We were lucky that the weather cooperated with us. Not too hot, not rainy. Just right. Even sleeping in a tent with 29 other guys wasn't too bad, since they were all pretty decent cats. We had a lot of fun.

Failing, Growing Older, and Other Things I Did in the Army.

2010-09-15T17:22:00.000-07:00

Wow, it has been ten days since my last post. That is both disappointing, and completely understandable. I started out with every intention of making a record of every day of training, both for my own amusement later on, and for the sake of anyone who enters BOLC in the future. I wanted to write a post every day. But that was before I knew how little energy I would have after a day of listening to tedious power point lectures and walking around in the Texas heat, and before I realised how much of my time would be spent trying to get, and then waiting for rides, or waiting in traffic at the gates to the base. Commutes suck, but especially so a O-Dark-Stupid in the morning. If you come to BOLC or any other Army training where living off post is an option, DO NOT DO IT if you don't have your own car. Don't do it even if you do have your own car. Driving sucks, and you will never have enough time to really do all of the things you need to be doing if you have to drive all over the place. Just live on base. Trust me. The best evidence I can give for this theory is this very post. I had a very hot, tiring day today, and still have time to write in the blog. See?

Alright, so: failing. That is what I did yesterday. I failed my PT test. For an Army PT test you have to do a certain number of situps and pushups and run two miles in a certain time, based on age and gender. If you fail any single event, you have failed the entire test, and have to retest later. Well, I failed. And, since I don't do anything half-way, I went ahead and failed all three events. I failed pushups by 2, situps by 5, and the run by 10 seconds. I used to be fit and trim and athletic. That was 12 or so years ago. But there is some good news, which is actually caused by the second thing:

Growing Older. Yeah, today is my birthday. Officially 32 years old. Almost 1/3 of 100. Honestly, I really don't care, and I don't feel old. It doesn't feel much like a birthday, either. I got all of my presents already, either before I came to training or last weekend when Dana visited. (Oh yeah, Dana visited. It was awesome, but I completely was too busy having fun to write about it. But she drove over 1000 miles to spend two days with me. If that is not love, then love doesn't exist. That is right, I said DROVE. In two days, nonetheless. My wife = Road Warrior Princess) So today I didn't have a party or ice cream, but I did have cake at lunch, and the Army was so kind as to give me a birthday present: since I am now 32 I fall into a different testing bracket for PT. If I test again, and get the exact same scores as last time, I will pass with flying colors! Sweet! This may be the first time in history that someone has been deemed to be in better physical condition simply by virtue of getting older. Gotta love the Army!

As for training, it has been mostly very dry Army/Military doctrine for the last week or two. Some of it is more interesting, but some is seriously laughable in it's monotony. We spent two hours (that I will never get back) talking about the various stages of casualty transport. This is something that I will never do, no matter what capacity the Army places me in. Or there were the three hours talking about the various kinds of companies and battalions etc. that you can be assigned to, after which our instructor said "but these are just templates. The Army can create any kind of unit of any size, based on the current need. So your own units may look nothing like these." Well great. Thanks for taking my afternoon telling me things that I may or may not ever find remotely applicable to myself. Next up: a list of people who have gone blind from intentionally staring at the sun.

Today was a change of pace, though. Today I learned how to field dress an M-16, which was really cool. For you non-military types, field-dress is Army speak for "take apart" or "disassemble." Don't ask me why they don't just say "disassemble" because I am pretty sure nobody in the Army could tell you that, either. But I digress. The training was simple, straight forward, and I went away knowing for sure that I had gained a skill that I previously did not have. We didn't get to shoot the weapon yet, but that is coming soon. I am really pumped for that. Now that I can field dress and M-16, I almost feel like a serious GI. Almost.

How to Make Friends in the Army

2010-09-05T22:10:00.000-07:00

1: Be Mormon (seriously, a huge help. Gotta love it when people ask you about your faith and then invariably say "I know a few Mormons. They are all the nicest people.")

2: Be willing to be designated driver for your platoon.

3: Repeat.

That is about all it takes. I went from feeling sort-of left out to suddenly being everyone's best friend as soon as my classmates found out that I would be DD if they needed me. Especially since a single alcohol related incident would be grounds for getting kicked out of the program. On Saturday night, a bunch of my classmates wanted to venture out and explore San Antonio. There is a club here called Cowboys that is supposed to be pretty famous, and this is where they were planning on going via taxi, when my battle buddy remembered that I don't drink, and hence could drive them. The level of excitement over this idea was almost comical, but they were already a little lose by the time of this conversation, so whatever.

So we headed over to the club. It was actually a pretty cool place. Huge by all standards. Gigantic dance floor with a stage for live music, really tight but unremarkable country band on the huge stage, and just about everything else you could imagine being in a honky-tonk, including a mechanical bull. The bar itself is gigantic. Anyway, the group I came with let loose and had a really good time, and I felt good that I could help them get home in one non-arrested piece. I also had a lot of fun, which seemed to surprise the guys I was with, since I was still sober, and they apparently equate 'sober' with 'fun-impaired.'

It was a good night, and I felt like I was included into the group in a sincere way by the time we were driving home. So who know the tee-totalling Mormon kid from Utah would make a good party buddy?

Oh, and for the last few days training has been kinda unremarkable, which is why I haven't written much. And also I have been exhausted. In fact, if there is one remarkable thing, it would be how tired I have been. I literally fell asleep standing up at the back of the room during one of the lectures.

One thing that I should write about is the brigade run that we did on Thursday morning. A Brigade is a very large group. Our company has 360 or so people in it, and the brigade has 5 companies in it. So all told, we were a group of more than 1000 soldiers. We all formed up in our PT uniforms (grey ARMY tee-shirts, black shorts, and yellow reflective belts for safety and added geek effect) in a mass formation on the PT field. After a brief pep-talk and obligatory safety brief from the Commanding Officer, we headed out, with my A Company in the lead.

It was a little over two miles all told, and I have no idea how fast we covered the distance, but it was not fast. Nor was it particularly strenuous. By the time we were done, I was winded, but not sucking air or anything. No side-aches, cramps or any of that nonsense. All encouraging signs that I may be actually getting in shape again.

The most remarkable thing about the brigade run was this overwhelming sense of team, of being a very small piece in a very large machine. The run was all done in-time, which means there was a cadre (team, staff, etc.) member running with us, calling out cadences. Essentially we were marching in double time. Having someone call out LEFT. . .LEFT. . .LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT while you are jogging is actually really cool. And when everyone manages to actually run according to that cadence, the whole mass of bodies sways when you sway, bounces when you bounce. I had a few moments where I got the chills just thinking about all the synergy and cooperation that I was involved in. I was also very proud. There are some highly distinguished individuals in that group, from surgeons to ex-enlisted who have already been deployed multiple times. To be one of them, to run with them, was pretty flattering.

The cadences that were called during the run were pretty cool. Some were funny, and one was disturbing. It is basically what you see in the movies. An enormous group of soldiers go jogging by, shouting at the top of their lungs into the morning air. First the sergeant yells "THEY SAY THAT IN THE ARMY, THE FOOD IS MIGHTY FINE!" Then the whole group, or whoever is close enough to hear the cadence, repeat that same phrase back, in a more or less perfect echo. Then its: "A CHICKEN JUMPED OFF THE TABLE AND STARTED MARCHING TIME!" or some other mildly humorous line. Before I joined the Army, I thought those cadences were merely for breaking the monotony of yelling LEFT. . .LEFT. . .LEFT all the time. But now I know they are really an aerobic training tool. It is one thing to run two miles in a group. It is something else entirely to do it while yelling long sentences at the top of your lungs the whole time. No room for huffing and puffing while singing about Captain Jack and his knife/gun/bottle/bible, and how you are going do your best for Uncle Sam.

Wow, reading over this, I guess my lack of entries was more due to tiredness than to lack of things to write about, lol. But that will have to do it for today. One more day off, then it is back in the saddle. Tomorrow I do some laundry, and see what I can find to do within walking distance of the hotel. Or maybe, if it is too hot, I will just do laundry and hang out by the pool.

Slow Days are Good Days

2010-09-01T19:36:00.001-07:00

Today was a pretty easy one, at least for me. The company (which is the military term for a very large group, such as my class of 300+ new officers) started the day out doing physical training, or PT. This would have been my first PT, but I couldn't join the company, because I had to go to the ophthalmologist on base to get a prescription for my combat eye wear. So instead of working out in the Texas heat (it was 85 degrees and 60% humidity at 5:00) I had to stand in line with a bunch of other soldiers to get glasses. Not exactly heroic.

After that, it was pretty much a day spent in classes, getting some briefings from higher ranking officers. We got out a little early, because one of the presenters was a no-show, so I was able to get in a lengthy work out of my own to make up for missing PT. I have been able to get my run and push up numbers good enough to pass the PT test, but sit ups are still a problem. I am holding out hope that I will somehow be able to get my abs and hip-flexors up to snuff by this time next week when the first PT test happens. The really good news is that I had my best run so far, doing two miles in under 17 minutes, and it wasn't even especially challenging. Hopefully I can replicate it during the test.

I am also starting to get to know my classmates, and hung out with a few of them in the evening at the hotel pool while soaking my legs after the run. It seems like an extraordinarily cool group of people, but a lot of us have been slow to find buddies or make connections, so it was nice to spend some time getting to know people in the groups.

So it was a pretty uneventful day, but in a good way. I even might manage to get 6 hours of sleep tonight, if I manage to get off this computer sometime soon.

How to Lose Five Pounds in One Day

2010-08-31T18:33:00.000-07:00

First: Go to Texas in late summer.
Second: Put on long pants, undershirt, and a long-sleeved jacket. Oh, and also wear a black wool hat.
Third: Walk around.

That is it. Instant five pounds of weight lost through your pores.

Potential side effects: Severe dehydration; soaking your clothes so you feel disgustingly soggy all day; sweat stains and salt lines in strange places (upper, outer thigh?); and feeling irresistibly drawn to all sorts of air conditioning.

Seriously, I lost more than five pounds today. I only hope that some of that weight loss is of a more permanent nature, since I am also drinking like a fish to make up for water loss. And it is not like we were doing anything strenuous. We just had a group march, at a slow pace, from one building on base to another. Took us maybe 30 minutes. But by the time we got to where we were going, I was drenched in sweat, as was almost everyone else.

It seems that the Army has 5 classifications of heat conditions, and these classifications determine what can and cannot be done in terms of strenuous physical activity. Well, we have been in Class 5 Heat Conditions ever since I got here. When we line up at 4:00 for role call, which should theoretically be the coldest part of the day, it is already 85 degrees outside. But, since we can't exactly phone in our training, we have to get together and do some limited stuff outside in the heat. I am hoping that I can get used to the heat pretty quick, because sweating a half gallon a day is not my idea of an ideal way to spend 9 weeks in Texas.

Now, Officially, Lt. Dan.

2010-08-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

It is official. As of today at approx 11:00 am, I raised my right hand and swore to defend the Constitution of the United States from enemies both foreign and domestic, and became, fully and legally, and officer in the United States Army.

It was a pretty cool experience. Both rushed and sort of sacred. All of the other direct commissioning officers stood up on the stage and gave the oath together. To say those words "defend the Constitution of the United States" was a really powerful thing for me. I think it is remarkable that the oath is not simply "to defend the United States" but rather the Constitution first, and then secondarily "the nation" of that constitution. So essentially I know work to defend the basic rights of the people of America, as well as defend the people themselves. That is simply awesome.

Besides the oath, today was grueling. Up at 3:30 am, we mustered for role call, then boarded buses to head onto the base. Our hotel is surprisingly far from the base, taking almost half an hour to drive there. I guess everything closer was either booked or too small. It is awesome to watch the other hotel guests try to figure out why there are 300 Army officers walking around. Most look like they think Martial Law has been declared or something. Anyway, I digress. The rest of the day was tedious. One briefing after another about Army paperwork, customs, uniforms, etc. All of it was good and necessary information, but after getting up 3.5 hours before the sun, it was hard to stay awake through.

I sat next to a freshly minted Major, who, like me, is a brand-new ex-civilian. We struck up a conversation, and sort of did everything together that day. We were all trying to put on our game faces, but she seemed to be especially out of sorts, and while I am sure she is a fantastic surgeon, just doesn't seem to have a knack for the military thing. Or at least, seems to have even less of a knack for it than I have. At any rate, she seemed like she could use some help so I kind of shepherded her through things, helped her with her bags when the heat got to be too much for her, etc. Consider it my good turn for the day.

Tomorrow is supposed to be more of the same with the same masochistic start-time, so I am off for the night.

Oh, and for the record, while I was sitting in briefings all day, Dana was driving home. All the way from San Antonio to Denver, in one stab. That is over 900 miles, for those who are counting. More than 14 hours of driving. My wife is a friggin road warrior. I love you, babe.

You're In the Army Now

2010-08-29T19:36:00.000-07:00

So, I am still not quite officially in the Army. That happens when I take the oath of office, which should be taking place sometime tomorrow. Preferably early in the day, since I am supposed to show up tomorrow in my uniform, with my Lieutentant's bars on it and everything. Officially, I think wearing my uniform in public without having taken the oath of office could be considered impersonating an officer, but I am not sure about that.

Anyway, tomorrow things really get rolling. Dana and I got back from our cruise this morning, raced across Texas, getting only one speeding ticket for our troubles (seriously). The first thing I did when I got here was go through in-processing, which was essentially walking from station to station in a hotel lobby, picking up various forms, filling them out, getting measured and weighed, etc. Really basic stuff. After that was all done, which took little over an hour, Dana and I said our tearful goodbyes and she headed off to her hotel for the night.

The unexpected twist was that I headed off to my rooms, which were in the same hotel. The San Antonio Airport Holiday Inn, to be precise. Pretty swanky, in fact. I got a room on the 10th floor, nice cushy bed and even a selection of soft or firm pillows. Hardly what anyone would expect from boot camp. On the other hand, we have to assemble in the parking lot at 0400 tomorrow, which is more or less precisely what I would have expected from boot camp.

There are a lot of people here. More than I expected, and I have only seen the group that is at the hotel. There are more of us on base, as well. I have been assigned to 5th Battalion of Alpha Company, which was determined alphabetically, as far as I can tell. I have already had a chance to meet and talk with some of my classmates, and most of them seem to be pretty classy.

The best spin yet is my roommate. He comes from Idaho, seems like a really decent sort, and best of all, he is LDS too, which of course eliminates the dreaded explaining of the magic underwear or questions about polygamy. He was in the National Guard prior to coming to Basic Officer Leadership Course, so I hope he can be a patient source of info and answers to all my hopelessly green rookie questions.

Well, 0400 comes early, so I am off to bed.

Training for the Army, Part 2

2010-07-09T21:42:00.000-07:00

Still waiting on orders, which is getting to be a trial of patience on a Biblical scale. How do you get ready to move, sell your house, pack your stuff (or sell your stuff), plan a smooth departure from work, make arrangements to see friends and family, plan a vacation, get into SoldierShape and get ready for a massive sea-change in lifestyle, all while not knowing which continent you are going to be living on in two months? Well, ask me again in two months and I will be able to tell you.

For now, we still only have the date of my training start, which actually complicates things, since it means if the house doesn't sell, that Dana will have to come back to Colorado on her own and finalize everything by herself while I learn how to throw hand grenades. Of course, she is completely capable of doing it by herself, but it is not a prospect she is exactly looking forward to.

For now we are trying to stay focused on what we CAN do, such as selling the house and getting my sorry carcass into SoldierShape. We listed on Wednesday, so if you know anyone who is thinking of moving to Aurora, CO, please tell them that there is a pristine, adorable, magical and attractive home for sale at well below market value with absolutely 0 damage or repairs needed. We really have taken very good care of our home. (Seriously, if you know anyone who is thinking of moving to the Denver area, please send them our way.) [Seriously.]

As to the SoldierShape aspect, I made my first real gains in the fitness arena. My first 2 mile run was embarrassing. My time was somewhere around 25 minutes, including stops to talk to my wife, who I think had driven out to find me and make sure I was still alive. My second run time was more precisely measured, and came in at 21:30, and my third came in at 20:19. I will not be racing in the Olympics any time soon, but I was pleased with myself that I knocked over a minute off in a day's time.

The other two parts of the fitness test are push ups and sit ups. On the push ups I am close. I can crank out 30 without difficulty, and should be able to work up to the 40 needed relatively easily over two months. The sit ups are a different story. Sometime between my wrestling days and now, I appear to have misplaced my abs. I thought they were just hiding under my new upholstery, but it turns out that I have lost them entirely, and will have to grow new ones from scratch. For the test I will need to produce at least 45 sit ups. At present, I am on the verge of a hernia just trying to eek out 18. This is both puzzling and embarrassing. I blame it on Carl's Junior, my massive head, and 6 years of sitting on my can for a living. (For the record, and because she insisted, Dana can do 50 situps. There is no end to my flabby shame.)

So, over the last three days of training, I have succeeded in making every major muscle group painfully sore, dropped more than a minute off my run time, and had a rude reality check about my strength to body weight ratio. I am optimistic that I can still make the minimums relatively easily, but the sit up number has got to climb in a hurry.

Joining the Army

2010-07-07T18:19:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me will probably already know that I have accepted a commission to the US Army. This is, of course, a major change in our lives, and is part of the reason that I haven't blogged since January. When so much is up in the air, it is hard to know what to write about.

But now we know for sure, and we are getting ready for this new adventure. Since I have never done anything like this, I figured it would be interesting to keep a record of it. Think of it as An Army Newb's Diary.

The first thing that I learned in this process is that the Army is a very, VERY large organization. And like any very large organization, it is common for one office to not know what the others are doing. We got a lot of quazi-conflicting information during the recruitment process, and a lot of soft commitments that didn't quite work out as advertized. Most specifically, we have learned that "by the end of the week" is Army code for "sometime in the near, or almost-near future."
We also learned that, like other large organizations, they can be worked with and are succeptable to horse-trading.

My recruiter was a trooper. I think he suffered more from the changes in plan and misinformation than we did, because he had to be the bearer of bad news when time-lines changed. He also had to do some damage control, because a few of the perks that he said were a virtual lock turned out to no longer be offered by the Army. All in all, though, he did right by us and it was clear that he was doing the best that he could to represent a complex and constantly changing organization. I felt bad for him, since we were intentionally picky and made him double-check on a lot of things.

So now we are experiencing what we have been told is standard practice for the Army: Hurry Up and Wait. We have put in all our papers, my commission has been approved, and I have been assigned a spot in the Officer Basic Leadership Course. The only thing we don't know is where we will be spending the next few years of our lives. I am currently exchanging emails with the Career Specialist who makes those assignments, and she keeps telling me it will be done by the end of the week. Of course, she started saying that three weeks ago.

My training will start on Aug 30. I will be training at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas. Based on what I have read from other bloggers and from the official site, the training sounds like it will be a lot of fun. I will get some basic training on several types of weapons (possibly even a 50 caliber machine gun, WOOT!) as well as some other practical field training. To me it sounds like an awesome two week adventure camping trip. To Dana, it sounds more like the third ring of hell.

The only thing I am worried about is the Physical Fitness Test. Right now my running times are, well, less than ideal. So I am on a program now to get in shape before I report. I have two months to get my 2 minute mile times below 17:00 minutes, which is the minimum. I am shooting for 15:00, but as long as I pass I will be excited. The push-up and sit-up portions of the test should be less of a problem, but I am training on those as well. I will keep track of my times on this blog, mostly as a way for me to track my progress over time.

More thoughts to come later. Signing off for now.

Damned if we do. . .

2010-01-31T12:58:00.000-08:00

Ah, NPR. The source of so many infuriated tirades, and also occasionally the source of information.

Last night I was driving home from Aspen, listening to NPR as I navigated the curves and turns of I-70 in the dark. To avoid falling asleep like my lovely wife, I started talking to the radio in my head, since it is more fun to actively mock people in my mind than it is to merely listen to them. Anyway, that late at night, Colorado NPR carries broadcasts from the BBC World Service, which is generally staffed by Brits who sound more bored by the news they are announcing than they would be by, say, their cereal boxes. These stuffy Queensmen happened to be talking about Haiti, and the relief effort going on over there. This is generally not something I would rant about, since I completely support the relief, and am pulling for the Haitian people to not only get relief but to also get a leg up towards economic success in the long-term. However, this bored-as-watching-paint-dry reporter had two guests on, who were supposedly experts on the relief effort. They were talking about their frustrations that America has suspended emergency evacuation flights from Haiti to the US for critically wounded persons. Certainly news-worthy content. The official line is that America stopped the flights due to "logistical complications," and the un-official line was that American hospitals would not take more Haitians until someone had first agreed to pay for their care.

I honestly don't know anything about this aspect of the story, but that is not what I am ranting about, anyway. Just back-story so you can understand what I am about to go off on, see.

So this one dude with something like a French-Canadian-Speaking-English accent started unloading on the US relief effort. He made all sorts of claims that the Americans were doing this and that wrong, and that "logistics" were always the problem with Americans, and dontcha-remember-Katrina-where-the-Yanks-couldn't-even-take-care-of-their-own-people, and on and on. The female co-guest also added her own pepper to the mix, stating that America had "barged" into Haiti and "commandeered" the relief effort, and she claimed essentially that we were making a dog's dinner of the whole operation.

So you know what? Maybe they are right. Maybe we are not doing a great job of things down there. I honestly don't know. But here is my question: who else is there? Who else has the wherewithal to come in as an outside power and even attempt an operation like this? (If you are thinking UN, I would just like to take this moment to ask you to research which UN nation constitutes over 50% of the UN's funding and man-power).

So the US isn't helping out fast enough, and there are hurdles. OK. Well, actually, NOT OK. It is not OK to bite the hand that feeds you. Beggars cannot be choosers, and there are few if any people who more adequately fit the bill of beggars than do the Haitian people right now. They have so little, and the little they do have is lying amid rubble more often than not. They need help, and nobody is in a better position financially, militarily and economically to help the Haitians than the US. So what do we get for our efforts?

Why, the same thing the US always gets when we help out anywhere: suspicion, recrimination, criticism and blame. Whatever we do, it is not good enough. However many people we help, there are always other vociferous boobies who can only find fulfilment in searching for criticisms. If we pull a survivor out of the rubble, we get complaints that the survivor was too dusty. If we stabilize an economy, we get accusations of being profit-motivated, heartless capitalists. If we liberate a country from a dictator, we are accused of being imperialist expansionists.

In short, whatever we do is wrong, nothing we do is enough. Why? Because we are America, and since nobody can do what we do as well as we do, all they are left with is little-man syndrome of complaint and whining. What makes me proud among all of this is that America still goes about helping people and following American values. We are far from perfect, and we are admittedly opportunistic and (like everyone else) do things that reflect well upon us. But we still go out and do things to help other people in the world, no matter how popular or beloved we are for our efforts. So the critics can go to hell, and we will go to Haiti.

State of the Union

2010-01-27T20:50:00.000-08:00

Of course, there is no way I could let something like the State of the Union go past without adding my own pepper to it.

I like Obama. I think he is charismatic (and after Bush, having a president who at least sounds intelligent is hugely refreshing). He looks like a leader. He comes across like a man who knows where he is going, and who knows what he wants. Even if I don't always agree with him, at least I feel comfortable with him at the helm.

He gave a fantastic speech. Full of potent sound-bites, tough and firm on his issues, and admitting to some mistakes. He even was inspiring, motivational and energizing; things that SoU speeches rarely manage to be.

But it was not the speech itself that I found most telling. I kept my eyes on the ladies and gentlemen sitting in the audience, wearing their expensive suits and dresses, paid for by you and me. I could not help but notice the powerful physical display of partisan division in our government. At regular intervals, the speech was interrupted by thunderous applause and standing ovations. Some of those ovations came from the whole combined house, but more of that applause came from only half. There were times when only one half clapped at all, while the other sat in clear disapproval, not even gracing the president with so much as a clap.

That is precisely what is broken with our country. There is no way that those educated, intelligent individuals are truly ideologically that divided. I don't buy it. It is artificial, and that artifice goes both ways. Not all of the Dems are vociferous supporters of Obama. And not all of the Republicans are fervent opponents. But they all cave to the pressure of their party. When the party shouts "hooray," all the members are compelled to shout along, whether they feel to or not. And when the party says "boo," only the career suicidal will go against the grain.

This is clear evidence of one of my major complaints about our country: we are not represented by our representatives. Rather, they are cowed, pushed, bribed, pressured into representing their party. Only statements that are clearly popular (like "America does not quit") get the approval of all. I don't buy it. I feel cheated by it. And so should you. If you voted for someone who now follows the dictates of a party, then you have been robbed of your vote.

Anyway, that is one issue. Another thing I loved was that he called out the Supreme Court for their moronic decision from last week about campaign finance. They deserve to have some serious negative heat focused their way. It was great to see them eat a little crow, seated there in the position of greatest honor in the crowd.

The last thing I will only touch on actually came from the Republican response, and I can't talk about it for too long or my computer will melt. In general, I felt that the response was pathetic. Clearly written well in advance of the speech, the response reflected more of the president's points than it refuted or challenged. It was weak sauce. But there was one statement that made my blood boil: when what's-his-face the Governor of Virginia claimed that America has "the best health care system in the world" and that people don't want the Federal Government to run it.

OK, this is nothing more than evidence that this guy has not a single clue as to what he is talking about. America has the best health care system in the world? Where the hell did he get that information? Our health care is the most broken in the developed world! How often have you heard of people coming to America for medical tourism? Never. Instead, Americans go to places like Columbia to have life-saving surgeries BECAUSE THEY CAN'T AFFORD AMERICAN HEALTH CARE and the Colombian surgeons are just as good as ours. Look it up - Americans spend hundreds of millions of dollars a year getting health care elsewhere, precisely because our health system is NOT better, just more expensive. Now, I will admit that our hospitals are very good. For those fortunate enough to be able to afford good health insurance, American health coverage just might be the best in the world. However, so many people simply can't afford this care, that America does not even have the best average health care in the world. That honor goes to Sweden, with their (gasp) socialized heath care. Yup, the Swedes are the healthiest people in the world, and have the highest standard of living, and their health care is entirely run by their government. So, that leaves us looking at what can only be referred to as luxury health care, available only to the wealthy. So America has the world's best luxury health care.

But I don't think health care should be a luxury, given only to those who can afford it. I compare it to a steak house with the world's best steak. As long as I don't have enough money to afford that steak, this world's best steak house might as well be the very worse as far as I am concerned. I can't afford it either way. Only if I have the means of accessing the system does the quality of that system even apply to me. So no, we do not have the best health care system in the world. And I know what I am talking about. I work with the Severely and Persistently Mentally Ill, traditionally the most under served health care population for myriad reasons. These people are constantly denied coverage, shuffled from one care giver to another, and generally mistreated. Why? Because they can't afford good care. Since they don't have money they have no power. They can't demand good care because they can't pay out of pocket, and can't afford insurance. So they tend to go untreated, and when they do have a crisis and need treatment, that treatment must be paid for by anemic system that cannot support them. There must be a better way. In America, there MUST be a better way.

Broken Things

2010-01-21T17:50:00.000-08:00

American Campaign Finance:
So the American Supreme Court decided today that it is OK for corporations to essentially buy elections. They just overturned an old campaign finance law that restricted the political contributions of corporations, and opened the doors for them to give unrestricted amounts of money to candidates. So essentially, what we will have is corporations pouring massive amounts of money into the election funds of candidates, producing even more of those asinine campaign ads, and making for even more corrupt politicians. Just what this country needed. Yeah - that is broken.

Aid Delivery to Haiti:
I keep hearing basically the same exact story coming out of Haiti: there is tons of aid just waiting to be delivered to the starving survivors, but there is no way to get the aid to the people because the airport is jammed, the port is busted, and the roads are impassable. Man, it makes me almost wish that someone had invented some kind of aircraft that is capable of vertical take-off and landing, that could fly supplies and troops and aid workers to the remote areas where people need help. With a vehicle like that, we could have helped all of these people already, it seems. . . .
Heck, I dunno: HELICOPTER anyone? All these excuses about not getting aid out are pathetic. If we can drop food and guns and jeeps and tanks behind enemy lines via helicopter while those choppers are getting SHOT AT, why on earth can we not do the same thing to help people who are desperately in need? That is broken.

This Guy:

Good ol' Conservidiot Pat "Wouldn't Know God if He Shook My Hand" Robertson. Listen to what he said recently, in his typical way of speaking first, looking goofy second, and thinking sometime next week:

"It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other." –Pat Robertson, on the earthquake in Haiti that destroyed the capital and killed tens of thousands of people, Jan. 13, 2010

OK, Pat: we all know you are a blathering moron, but please explain this: what precisely did the devil do to overthrow the French? Were you there when this deal was made? Is it in some voodoo journal you read? Or maybe you know about it from your own extensive Satan worship. Whatever the case may be, one thing is completely clear: God would NEVER do this to people, especially not for something as silly as making some supposed pact with the devil. God LOVES people, and earthquakes just happen. If God punished people for doing evil things, why didn't he wipe Rome off the map after killing thousands of innocents during the Crusades? Or why didn't he throw Palestine into the sea after the Jews killed his son? Or, better yet, why hasn't he afflicted Pat Robertson with every disease known to man for sowing his particular brand of toxic ignorance and hate?

So yeah, this guy is broken.

The American Non-Democracy

2010-01-11T18:56:00.001-08:00

Ah, I was just thinking back to my Jr. High American History class. I'm sure you all remember it: it was the class where I first really understood what democracy meant, and learned in a meaningful way that America was a democracy.

Well, from that time to this, it seems I have been forced to unlearn that fact. America is not in fact a democracy. A democracy is a system in which a body of people get together to elect someone who then goes to the law-making place and represents the people who elected them.

Yeah, America doesn't have that.

We have a coin toss.

See, this last year (you remember; Obama, Hope, change, failing banks, foreclosures, wars, etc.) we had all these high hopes about getting real change done in Washington because there was a Democratic majority in both houses and a Democrat in the White House. Surely this would be a prime year for some progress.

Well, fast-forward back to the present, and you see that the world has not, in fact, been saved. Not even Washington has been saved. All the high hopes for getting stuff done have been thwarted. And why? Our useless, non-democratic, non-elected, non-interested-at-all-in-what-you-want political parties.

Last year, the House of Representatives cast more than 1/2 of all of its votes straight along party lines. The Senate cast 2/3 of its votes the same way, which was a new record. So, in a year where progress was supposed to happen and change be accomplished, instead we got Our Side vs. Your Side. Asses vs. Elephants.

It seems to me that when the choice is Republican vs. Democrat, the unmentioned loser is Americans. Whatever one side wants, the other side hates, if for no other reason than because the idea comes from the other side. This set up cannot allow elected officials to actually vote their conciences, especially when the balance of power is so tight. Step outside of party lines and you make yourself a pariah, and you can kiss your future funding goodbye. So, no sooner than our officials are elected, they bid farewell to their constituent loyalties, and become loyal to their new bosses: their party.

So we do not have a democracy. Not at all. We vote people into their party, and then the party decides what gets done. Do you remember ever voting for the head of a national party? No, because they are not democratically elected. You and I don't get to pick the people who run the country from behind the scenes. Nobody votes for the Wizard of Oz.

To my way of thinking, you can be a Republican or a Democrat or an American. But not more than one at a time.

Terminator: Salvation Review

2010-01-04T20:27:00.000-08:00

Remember that whole scandal back when Terminator: Salvation was being made? You know, the one where Christian Bale went all psycho on a crew member for walking into the shot, and verbally assaulted him for about five minutes? Yeah, well I finally figured out where all that anger came from.

See, I just watched that movie. It makes complete sense to me now. I think that if I had been given several hundred million dollars to make a major blockbuster movie, and despite my best efforts that movie refused to be saved from complete suckiness, I would be pretty testy too.

This movie was a complete joke. It had all the elements of post-apocalyptica that Hollywood does so well, with the dazzling explosions and car crashes, and cool CGI robots. They even resurrected young Arni to come back and kick some trash for a while. The tragedy is that the movie failed to do one crucial thing: make sense.

The list of stupid impossibilities that I saw in this movie completely obliterated my suspension of disbelief. For instance: Sky Net is capable of finding and hunting down three lonely little people in all the vastness of blown-to-hell Los Angeles, simply because someone played some old butt-rock on a car radio. But for some inexplicable reason, this same omnipotent Sky Net can't manage to find the fully operational AIR BASE and all the HELICOPTERS. (sorry, but this kind of stuff makes me angry. Something about insulting my intelligence for the sake of taking a short-cut to a dramatic scene, and letting logic and rationality suffer for cinematography.

There were a bunch of other things. Like why on earth are there random fires burning all over the place? Didn't this war happen years ago? Not even tires burn that long. Sure, it looks cool and all desolate-like, but seriously: fires. burn. out. eventually. And while we are talking about fire, there was this hall-of-famer: someone tells the new cyborg GI Joe that it is dangerous to move around at night because the uber-bots see infrared. Good to know. But then, maybe ten minutes later, Cyborg GI Joe has saved a street-savvy A-10 Warthog pilot and they hole up for the night AND MAKE A BONFIRE! Holy sweet *#@#! For the love of $%#&! Oh, the HUMANITY!!!

Ok, I am calm again. But seriously, this is what Hollywood spends millions on? Flashy lights, chase scenes, and super-star paychecks? It seems to me that there must have been at least some money in that pot to pay a guy to check the story-board and catch these blatantly illogical snafus. Such as the dramatic final "bad-guys-get-what-they-deserve" scene, when they blow Sky Net straight to Hades in nuclear fire. Why, oh sweet mercy, why does the rescue helicopter have to be flying RIGHT OVER THE EXPLOSION?

So yeah, if it was my movie, I would be pissed as all get out. So Christian Bale, I am right with you. After watching this movie, I think you may have even been too easy on the guy.

Avatar Review

2010-01-03T11:25:00.000-08:00

For a while now I have flirted with the idea of putting some movie/tv/book critiques up on my blog. I have been held back mainly by the fact that I think most critics are self-important, pedantic wannabes who lack the creativity to make their own new things, so instead analyse the creations of others, often stroking their own underachieving egos by lambasting the work of their creative betters. So a critic I would rather not be. However, I often find myself most in the mood to share my opinions after I have read a book, seen a movie, or watched TV. So I found myself in a quandary: how to blog about movies and books without stooping to the level of critic.

The solution I have come up with is this: I am in no way qualified to claim to be an educated, hoity-toity critic, but I am an opinionated consumer. So that is what my reviews will be: consumer opinions, nothing more. Anyone who takes them to be educated criticisms is only fooling themselves.

So lets begin: Last night we went to see the movie Avatar in 3D. Dana and I debated whether we should go or not, since we both had heard mixed reviews. Some people said it was mindless drivel, while others thought it was the best movie experience ever. We finally decided to see for ourselves.

My personal verdict is leaning strongly towards Best Movie Experience Ever. I give it a 9 of 10. However, the Best Movie Experience Ever is different than the Best Movie Ever. This was clearly an experiential movie, and was also clearly meant to be. The 3D effects and the pure visual beauty of this movie were phenomenal. At several points I felt like I needed to dust ashes or dirt off my legs from explosions on screen. The action was phenomenal, and the only thing that kept me from feeling like I was flying my own dragon/bird thingy was that the floor didn't move. It was truly an overwhelming, convincing, transporting experience. It was one of those movies where you leave the theater knowing that the extra money you dropped was worth it simply for the experience. Even the extra money they make you pay for the 3D glasses was worth it.

But if you are going into this movie expecting to see a new Tale of Two Cities or Les Miserables, you are going to be disappointed, and it is your own dumb fault. It is not high literature. The plot is familiar and predictable: hard-bitten soldier contacts new culture, learns to love them, then works against his old people to save his new people (see: Dances with Wolves). Character development is formulaic, and there are a thousand things you can find that his movie does not do. Again, if you came into this movie expecting an academic or intellectually challenging experience, then you deserve to be disappointed, and it is your own dumb fault.

Avatar is a roller-coaster, and a dang good one. It is thrilling, exciting, novel, beautiful and powerful. You should go into this movie expecting a roller-coaster ride. Anyone who climbs into a roller-coaster expecting it to be like driving a Bentley is just showing that they are either completely retarded, or they have no idea what a roller-coaster is for.

Anyway, I came out of this movie thinking two main things; 1: The critics who have panned it for being non-intellectual have only managed to display their own shortcomings: they wanted this movie to be something it wasn't, and were unable to appreciate this movie for what it was.
Go and see it, and see it in 3D in the theater. You will love it, as long as you don't expect it to be Traffic or Million Dollar Baby. But even then, it remains a good story in it's own right, which brings me to 2: Even though the story is not new or original, it still manages to do one thing that much of "high art" fails to do: it tells a story that taps into a larger social consciousness. It tells the story of a people who wish they could go back and undo the harm they have done, of a people who regret what they had to lose in order to get what they have gained. It tells a story that virtually everyone can relate to, even if it is merely on the level of being a good person and protecting the weak. So what if that is not ground breaking? If every new work of art has to break new ground, then there is no room at all for tradition and convention. No room for familiarity or culture. In a very real way, revisiting these kinds of stories is more important than bringing new innovations to the table. We don't know if the new is worth the paper it is printed on, but the familiar themes of the past have already shown they have power and value.

Your Local Elected Coward

2009-12-28T16:33:00.000-08:00

Thanks Will, for planting the seed of this rant. I was going to write it a few days ago but didn't really wanna kill my Christmas buzz. And then I read an article in the USA Today about health care reform and I blew my top.

So, after all the bickering and moaning, all the debating and investiture of tax payer dollars, and after all the bluster from radio commentators, it turns out that even with "Health Care Reform" passing, our trusty politicians have only managed to bring us more of the same.

The article I read today talks about how, once the bill is worked out, some people's insurance premiums with INCREASE. Yeah, that is right. Our worthless, spineless, witless, gutless, clueless, useless, brainless politicians have been working an entire year to bring us this great change and in the end it turns out that they have changed nothing. All they have done is move some of the pieces around the board but not truly advanced the cause of the American people.

It turns out (at least according to this article) that the only people who really stand to benefit from the changes are those who earn less than $40K and are paying for their own private plan. These people will get a government subsudy to buy health insurance while the rest of us will still pay full price, if not an increase in prices. Who the hell does this benefit besides the Health Industry?

The only justification I can think of for this kind of worthless legislation is cowardice. Plain and simple, the people we elect are ineffectual wet noodles. They don't have a real spine between them. America is the only nation in the developed world where sick people are routinely denied care, and our politicians lack the will power and courage to fix it. It is the greatest injustice in our society, but we would rather make sure our doctors remain overpaid.

So congratulations, Senate and House: you have failed us again. Your track record remains unblemished.

Return to Rant

2009-12-11T22:00:00.000-08:00

Wow, long time; no rant. How could I ever go that long with out complaining about something? Well, I wish I could report that I have been storing up rage and indignation for one world-saving, mind-blowing, paradigm-altering Rantzilla, but that is not the case. The truth is I kind of ran out of things to rant about. Even now I am at a loss as to what deserves a good tongue-lashing.

Have I lost my passion? Has the fire gone out? Has the world suddenly and unexpectedly become a perfect place? Or am I simply not paying enough attention? As I think about it, I figure I am probably just tired of my own thoughts and ideas. I need new material. Anyone out there care to help me out?

Lets do this: if you read this, and would like to hear me go off half-cocked on some topic either trivial or earnest, please tell me what that topic is, and I will proceed to explode. I will work myself into a righteous fury on your behalf, and launch my indignation into cyberspace. We could do it like Dear Abby, except instead of advice, I would offer pseudo-philosophical diatribe.

So request away. Who knows what we may end up with? Humor? Eloquence? A better mouse trap?

On Why Executives are Morons

2009-10-22T15:32:00.000-07:00

OK, so not all executives. But certainly many. I am thinking specifically about the reptilian oafs heading up the companies that tanked the American economy. GM, AIG, etc.

They drove their companies, either through incompetence or negligence or maliciousness, into the ground to such an extent that tax-payer funds were needed to bail them out. And now, when actual consequences are being threatened (if you haven't heard, their salaries are being severely restricted) people all over talk about this being a bad idea. And why do they say it is a bad idea? Because reducing the salaries "might drive the best people away from the position."

Seriously? Best people? These were the best people? These negligent, foolish, greedy sops were the best people?

No. They weren't. I don't buy that. Not for a minute. They were not the best. They were the status quo. They were not the elite through quality, they were the elite through position. Their actions have proven quite conclusively that they were not the best. More to the point, their actions have proven that they were among the worst.

If anyone else in America, from mechanics to doctors, did their job as piss-poorly as these executives have done theirs, the talk would not be of reducing their salary. Rather, the talk would be of termination and possible criminal charges. If a single doctor performed a surgery as recklessly and with as little foresight as these executives have prosecuted their responsibilities, that doctor (after the patient died a horrible, unnecessary death) would be subjected to board review, lose his/her license, be forbidden to ever practice medicine again, and would then have to stand trial for malpractice, if not for manslaughter.

That these executives even still have their jobs is more than generous. That they, even after losing their ridiculous bonuses, are still paid far more than the average American is insulting.

These men and women do not deserve to even be mentioned in the same sentence as the word "best." They are the worst, and we do not need them. We should set them aside, letting them drift away on their golden parachutes, while new blood with good ideas takes their spots. I know dozens of bright, motivated, savvy college grads who would do the job for a fraction of the cost. We do not need to overpay executives. Even if an exec here or there is worth the millions they are paid, that money is wasted on any single individual, and would be better spent on growing the company. In the cases of miserable failures like GM and AIG, those executives are not worth any kind of compensation, period.

The Mighty Middle

2009-09-18T16:15:00.000-07:00

Alright, so now that my employment worries are cleared up, I have more room in my head to think about other things. More specifically, I have room to think about social concerns and politics. So lets take out that particular dusty soap box. . . and up we go.

Political parties are deadly, toxic, inherently corrupt organizations, and both are equally anti-American. I have ranted about this before, yet I have not even scratched the surface of all of the things I think are wrong about political parties and American politics in general.

The parties are both (or all if you count the Libertarians, which I don't) anti-American. None of them, regardless of how they talk about social justice or patriotism, have the best interests of America the Country at heart. None of them represent America first. If anything the parties do benefits America in any way, it is only a pleasant side effect of the parties serving their own interests.

Rather than serving the country, political parties do a direct disservice to the country. They polarize the populace, and rob citizens of their constitutional right to be represented in the law-making bodies of the state. Here is how it plays out:

In order for anyone to have a chance of getting elected, they need a ton of money. So, unless you are a savvy Mitt Romney or a zany Ross Perot, you will not have the funds lying in your own pocket to make a successful run at office. In order to get the funding needed, candidates sell their loyalties (if not their souls) to one party or another in return for the financial backing of a mega-large organization. No later than that initial point, the candidates are no longer representing the citizens of their area. Instead, they begin to represent the interests of the party they have joined, which don't have a snowflake's chance in hell of being representative of the population that voted for them.

In the last 3 elections we have seen a country that is so evenly divided down party lines that even presidential elections have been decided by mere handfuls of votes. The senate seat in Minnesota is a perfect example. It is nearly a 50/50 split even in major races. If we had 3 parties, the split would be somewhere around 33.3333%. But to the victor go the spoils, so whoever comes away with the win can then proceed to represent their constituents in name, but their party in fact. To ensure the financial support needed to gain re-election, the winner then needs to play a game of favor-mongering to make sure the party likes them enough to pay their bills come next election season. If the majority of their constituents want something that the party is not in favor of, then the citizens are left out to dry, while the party gains more power.

There are a few politicians who buck this trend, and I applaud them. But even they are stuck in a system where they have to dance to the tunes the two parties are playing. The end result of all of this is that the overwhelming majority of Americans, who find themselves ideologically somewhere between the stances of the Democrats and the Republicans, are forced to pick the bad fit that fits the least bad. We are not as ideologically divided as the parties would make us. We agree far more than we disagree. If the fight is the left vs. the right, then you need to know which side you stand on. But from where I see it, the true fight is much more the right and left vs. the middle, and every time that fight happens, it is the American people who lose.

Political parties are a toxin to democracy. Like George Washington feared, they have corrupted the republic, and turned our would-be democracy into a farce. I cannot vote for what I want, because none of the parties want what I want. They want to be opposed to one another, and I want compromise. They want to lean away from each other to highlight their differences and justify their existence. I want the American people to lean closer and find a productive middle ground. That can't be done when the shots are called by opposing teams. So that is why the parties are both anti-American. They work together to divide our country. It is a Mason-Dixon line of ideology that keeps us from being One Nation under God. That is Anti-American. Membership to the parties keeps our representatives silent and forces them to follow party lines. They prevent political progress and stifle social growth. They are bad all around, and what is worse, we don't even need them. Our democracy would be better without them.

Colorado, Round 2

2009-09-12T16:01:00.000-07:00

OK. On Monday I start my new job at Bridge House, and I am super excited. Not only because I will be working full time again, but also because I won't have to worry about impending homelessness and looming destitution, both of which I would just as soon do without.

Bridge House is a great place, and I am stoked to work with a new population, where I can continue to grow and expand my therapeutic repertoire. I really am very excited. I am supposed to come in on Monday and start to learn the ropes, get to know the staff there, and maybe even start to work with my clients.

The clients I will be working with are in Acute treatment, which means they are, for a variety of reasons, unstable and need intensive, in-patient treatment for a short-term basis. These are not individuals who need hospitalization, but rather folks who have had a major incident in their lives and need some insulated time to recover. As I understand it, I will be working with a lot of the community mental health hospitals, and referring a lot of clients to other facilities once they are no longer good candidates for Bridge House services. For my part, I will be working on assessing and stabilizing my clients, working with them intensively for a few weeks, and then helping them find a suitable next-step.

I am really excited about a few features: for one, I will be working intensively with my clients, seeing them multiple times a week. For two, my case load is not going to be ridiculous like it was at my last job. I will only have 5 or 6 clients at a time, so I will be able to stay on top of things without getting my cleints mixed up. Also, I won't have to do any traveling, which was a huge time-drain and schedule-scrambler.

Plus, Bridge House is a part of the Arapahoe-Douglas Mental Health Network, which is the county service for both Arapahoe and Douglas counties. ADMHN is really huge, and they have a multi-facility approach, and tons of resources at their disposal. I am stoked to work in a multi-disciplinary team, and they have already shown me a great degree of respect and consideration.

So yeah, I am excited. The job that brought us out to this neck of the country turned out to be a huge disappointment, but it may just have opened the door for us to find something even better.

Hooray for Nice

2009-08-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

I just graduated a married couple from therapy who have been seeing me for about half a year. They are great folks, and I have really enjoyed working with them, but when they first came in to therapy, things did not look rosy by any means.

In our first session, they were cold, aloof, and ready to fight. I asked them how close to divorce they were, and they responded that they were already 80-90% divorced. They had major issues, and were pretty convinced that they needed to work out some kind of solution to those issues specifically.

Well, instead of focusing on what was wrong with their marriage, we focused on what was right. Instead of letting them duke it out in my office every week, I made them be nice to each other.

And as it turns out, nice works. The couple reported today that they feel that the original issues are no longer a cause of concern. They are simply not worried about it anymore. They reported that they are more understanding, more patient, and more appreciative of one another, and feel less burdened by one another's shortcomings. Long story short: they don't need me anymore.

It is one of the best feelings I have ever had to help someone to the point that they no longer need your help. It is an even better feeling to know that they don't need my help because they have mastered the most powerful marriage therapy technique of all: being nice to each other.

So hooray for nice. It is almost like Jesus knew what he was talking about when He told us to love one another as He has loved us.

The Sadness of Being Anti

2009-08-09T20:44:00.000-07:00

In a little less than three weeks from now, Dana's parents are coming into town from Germany. Since we live in Denver now, that places us a lot closer to some of the LDS historical sites in Nauvoo and Kirtland, so we decided to swing up that way so they can see the sights. It will be a first for me and Dana as well. And, just to sweeten the pot, my brother Jesse and his wife Wendy live in Chicago, so it is as close to a travel hat-trick as you can get.

Anyway, the last few weeks have been witness to a lot of planning and replanning of our trip itinerary, and hotel reservations, and I have been reading a lot of reviews on hotels and restaurants and such. Among those reviews I stumbled upon more than a few reviews that had nothing to do with hotels or restaurants, but rather were reviews of Nauvoo as a city, and more specifically, reviews of Mormon culture and history.

Most of them were instantly recognizable as being beligerent, argumentative and abashedly one-sided, anti-Mormon propaganda, so I didn't read them beyond their first paragraph. Others, however, were intelligently written, and objective enough to be considered at least fair and honest, even though they were still admittedly anti-Mormon. Those I read out of curiosity, but they still left me flat, and had nothing new or compelling to say.

But all of them left me feeling something in common: sadness. I can hardly think of anything that is more melancholy than being 'anti-something.' Being anti-X is nothing more than telling people what you are not. An anti-Mormon is clearly not a fan of Mormonism, but we know nothing about what he is for. Of all the possible causes to support, we have no more information than one of the causes that he is against. The assumption could be that he is diametrically opposed to Mormonism, and in support of whatever the diametric opposite of Mormonism is, but that entire assumption is uncertain, and a dynamic and versatile concept like Mormonism cannot have a diametric opposite in the first place.

So these 'anti-X'ers spend hours of time writing down what they do not like about X, but precious little time writing about what they do like about Y. We know nothing about them and who they are. Simply what they are not. That would be akin to me writing an Antibiography in which I relate several impassioned stories that are not about me, and talk at length about the hopes and dreams I have never had.

And that is what makes me sad. Where are the stories of who these people are? I am not interested in what they do not do or what they do not believe in. It would be far more compelling, as far as I am concerned, if they would actually come out and say "I am an anti-Xer. But that is boring, so let me tell you why I am a pro-Yer" If a person tells you who they are, you have the option to relate and understand them on a human level. But if all they tell you is who they are not, then you are no closer to relating to them and understanding them than if they spoke to you in Martian.

I have no problem with their beliefs, no matter what they are. They are free to believe anything in the world they want, and are free to express those beliefs until the last of the cows comes home. But it is sad that they are so caught up in telling the world what they don't believe. And so, they never really express themselves after all.

Decline of '09 and God Bless Our Troops

2009-08-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

There are a few reasons for this post. The first is to simply publish my new name for the economic mess we are in. I am calling it: The Decline of '09.

There. Now, if anyone uses that phrase who has not published it before this blog hits the ether will owe homage and allegiance to me. OK, so maybe not allegiance, but at least homage. And royalties. 10% sounds about right. Call my lawyer.

Something completely different that has been on my mind is this whole "God Bless Our Troops" thing. Bumperstickers abound that contain some version of this sentiment. I saw one today that said "God Bless Our Troops. Especially Our Snipers." When I saw that I thought, "What a wierd thing to wish for." And then I started thinking about how it was meant. The obvious and ugliest meaning is the "Bless them that they can kill a lot of our enemies from far away without being noticed so they can come back home safe." To me, that doesn't seem like something God would be particularly fond of, since the poor sap at the business end of the .50 is one of His children, too.

Another meaning I thought of was "Bless them so that they will be safe, since my son is a sniper and I don't want him to die." This version seems to be more allong the lines of what God might be interested in, since it is about saving life, rather than taking it. However, the sniper in question is at war, and is out to kill other people, so in a larger sense, him getting killed is (while tragic) only fair. You can hardly be a soldier who does his job and expect the soldiers on the other side to not do theirs, now can you?

The last meaning I thought of was this one, but I doubt highly that this is what the author of the bumper sticker meant: "Bless our snipers so that they won't be able to find any enemies to kill from any kind of distance, since all of the enemy soldiers will have laid their weapons down and made peace so that we don't have to kill anyone anymore so everyone can go home to their families and live happy, peaceful, productive lives." Now that is a sentiment I think God would be completely on board with.

I would like to think that is what the bumper sticker really meant option 3, but I doubt it. It makes me sad to think that people feel so self-righteous in their own causes as to think that God is only on their side as to be opposed to His children on the other side (like when BYU fans pray for a win over Notre Dame or U of U). Any one who knows anything about God surely must admit that He has a vested interest in the happiness and prosperity of all of his children. Our wars, our fights, our inability to live peacefully with each other, can be nothing more than sources of heartache and sorrow for Him.

If God were to miraculously intervene in the lives of the soldiers of the world, I think He would do so by making them all unneccessary. The world would be at peace, the only side to take would be His, and hurting anyone for any reason would be seen as treason against one's self.

Sadly, we aren't there. Not even close. So we need our snipers to keep ourselves safe, and there are people in the world who have avowed to never stop killing Americans. I do hope that our boys get home safe. And if I am completely honest, I hope they kill a lot of Taliban and Al'Qaida fighters from a long distance and get home safely. But that is not my godly side. That is quite definitely my worldly side. It try to make sure I know the difference between the two.

Arm-Chair Physics

2009-07-21T23:45:00.000-07:00

I will admit right off the bat that I am not a physicist. I am a social worker, which is about as far as you can get from physics and still call yourself a scientist. However, there is something rattling around in my brain that has to do with physics, astronomy and theology, and a little to do with history as well. And maybe some sociology too. Meh, it's a mess.

I am talking about Dark Matter and Dark Energy. I have read a lot about this topic, seen TV shows on Discovery and Nova, even had a chat or two with physics types about it. And one thing keeps cropping up around it that bugs me to death.

Let me set the stage first, though. Generally, physicists and astronomers are a godless bunch. Those for whom I have the most respect are the agnostic bunch, but as a general rule they are non-believers. This is fine. More power to them. Either they or I am going to be surprised when we die - if they are right, I will no longer exist to be perplexed or disappointed. If I am right, they will have just about forever to regret their lack of faith. But I digress.

So these brainy, sciency types are convinced there is no God. They claim that God is a construct used to explain mysterious phenomena that have no other ready explanation. I distinctly remember one astronomer in an interview talking about 'the day he realized there was no God' as being analogous to the day he 'found out there was no Santa Claus'. They base this claim on one fact: you can't prove God exists, and have to therefore act on faith, which they seem to feel is tantamount to buying beach-front property in Arizona.

So that is the set-up. The science community has overwhelmingly embraced an atheist or agnostic stance on God, because God cannot be proved and is only a convenient way to explain the mysterious and unexplainable.

Well, enter Dark Matter and Dark Energy.

Don't know much about this stuff? Allow me to give my non-physicist summary: The material in the Universe should be creating enough gravitational pull to cause the universe to contract. Einstein and CO. did all sorts of calculations that indicated the Universe contains enough mass that it should be all pulling on itself until eventually the whole thing gets pulled back together. Except that is not what is happening. Instead, what the good people like Hubble discovered is that the universe is expanding. Using measurements with Red Shift and other fancy sciency stuff I don't really understand, they concluded that, instead of shrinking, the universe is growing. And instead of that growth slowing down, it seems to be speeding up.

So physicists and astronomers got their melons cranking, and came up with the ideas of Dark Energy and Dark Matter. This stuff is supposed to be the reason that the Universe is not contracting. They theorize that Dark Matter fills up 30% of the space in the universe, while visible matter like stars, planets and you and me only make up 4%. The other 66% is empty. The only trouble with this Dark stuff is that is has never been seen, and can only be surmised by looking at its effects.

Is anyone else hearing the hypocrisy alarm going off?

So, when people use an invisible, unknowable construct to explain the unexplainable, and they call that construct God, they are naive and simple. But if they call that construct Dark Matter they are serious scientists?

I'm sorry, but it doesn't wash. Further, many many people have had direct interactions with God, and can show proof that He exists. Nobody has EVER had any kind of interaction with Dark Matter. Does that mean that physics doesn't exist? For that matter, nobody has ever been able to prove that their really is such a thing as 'gravity.' All we have is observations of the effects of gravity: stuff falls when you drop it. So, we infer that there must be a gravity, even though nobody can tell you why it works. But sciency types theorize and dream of a Higgs Boson, which is supposed to explain all of it. Of course, no one has ever seen a Higgs Boson, so the scientists who are searching for it are acting, bizarrely enough, on faith.

I desperately wish that two things would happen: One - that science would finally fess up to being what it really is: people making up constructs to explain the unexplainable, and then looking for proof to support those constructs, which is precisely what science criticises religion for doing.
Two - that everyone, both religious and scientific, stop claiming to be so damned right all the time. I mean, I believe in a faith that claims a direct link to God all the time. Revelation and the whole nine yards, and yet I still recognize that my church has room to grow and improve. We may be good - even great - but we are not completely right. Not yet, anyway.

So we all just need to chill and be less defensive. Because as history has shown, the only guaranteed outcome of someone claiming to be right is that they will eventually be proven, more or less, to be wrong.

Iran

2009-06-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

OK, so if you watch the news today, you see two things: crying, pathetic, two-faced, lying POS governors who will trade their families, wives and careers for a skanky latina homewrecker. (see my last post)
OR
You see coverage, or better the lack of coverage of what is going on in Iran. Since I have already ranted about the governor, I want to say a word or two about Iran.
For the first time in my life, I find myself rooting for Iran. Not for the leadership of Iran – I think they are self-righteous, hypocritical, hegemonic scumbags who have no respect for their people, and who know they only way they can retain power is to repress the voices of their citizens. No, I am not a fan of President I’madinnerjacket or of Supreme-Dictator-For-Ever-Because-I-Am-More-Righteous-Than-You Al’choholy. I hope those guys both die the death of a thousand cuts.
No, I am finding myself rooting for the common Iranians. I am so proud of them for marching and protesting, even though they face imprisonment, violence or even death for doing just that. When I hear about these protests, instead of imagining Iran as being a haven for radicals and extremist baby-killing-suicide-bombers, I imagine Iran more like a college campus in the 1960s. Or, maybe more accurately, like Boston of the 1770s. I see a people who have rallied together, not to oppress, but to stand up for the principle that their voices deserve to be heard.
In America, it was ‘No Taxation without Representation’ and in Iran it seems to be ‘Transparent Government and True Democracy.’ The people are standing up to an oppressive ruler, just like a bunch of uneducated, back-water colonists did in 1776. They have the Ayatollah, we had King George.
Another parallel I see is this: the results of Iran’s recent presidential election may, in fact be completely legal and legit. But the way the Iranian government is treating their people is certainly anything but. When the Stamp Tax (the thing that prompted the Boston Tea Party, for you non-history geeks) was enacted, it was completely legal. But we rebelled against the principle according to which that tax was passed: our voices were not being heard, and our people were being repressed. Well, that is exactly what is happening in Iran, and their people have certainly been oppressed on a greater level than stamp and paper taxation.
So I find myself rooting for Iran. I can only hope that modern politics and the ticklish nature of Iran’s relationship with the rest of the world doesn’t kill this movement before it really gets a chance to mature. I believe that, if Iran’s people carry the day over the current government, a new Iran could emerge as a force for democracy and justice in what was once the most troubled and turbulent area of the middle east. I kinda like the thought of Iran becoming the leading force for democratic reform in the middle east. I also like the idea of an Iran who is a close ally of America, instead of a scary enemy who may or may not blow us into nuclear winter.
Of course, time will tell. It wasn’t until after WWI that the majority of the world even took the United States of America seriously. Europe looked at our form of democracy as a quaint oddity. But we persevered and grew to be the most powerful, influential power in the world. Iran certainly has the same chances, if the movement that is now brewing is able to survive long enough mature beyond being merely reactionary. Of course, they will need a good deal of luck to have things go their way, but my hopes and prayers go with them.

Double Standards

2009-06-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

If you are watching the news, you have undoubtedly heard about this governor from North Carolina who lied to basically everyone about going on vacation in the Appalachian trail, while he was really cheating on his wife with some lady in Argentina.
This story is getting a ton of coverage, and two things have stood out to me: first, that the guy at least had the decency to come out and admit what he did, rather than conjure up yet another lie to cover his tracks. I respect that. If you are going to be a spineless, disloyal and deceitful slime, at least own up to it.
But the second thing that stood out to me is what I want to rant about: the double-standard of American media coverage and culture (and of the North Carolina governor, apparently). This man admittedly had an affair, and got caught. Sucks to be him right now, but he certainly should have known this would happen. As a result of the controversy, he has resigned as the president of the Republican Governors association or something like that, but not as governor of his state. And that is what people are talking about, which is driving me nuts.
Granted, this guy cooked up some ridiculous story about a farcical vacation while he snook away to betray his wife and family, as well as prove himself to be a hypocrite of the highest order. So he is guilty of not covering his tracks very well, of lying and of cheating on his wife. Those three things only differentiate him from the vast majority of politicians in that he didn’t cover his tracks.
I can probably count the number of politicians I believe to be faithful husbands or wives on one hand (go Mitt!). The Bill Clintons probably outnumber the honest politicians 10 to 1. So the question that I am forced to ask myself is why people are giving this guy such a hard time. Why are they all demanding his head? Because he had an affair? If that was the case, then we would have to re-people American politics on a whole-sale basis. This is where the double-standard comes in. For some politicians, dalliances are permitted, and even (as in the case of Teflon Willie) admired. But for others they are a political death sentence, and I just can’t see any way that is fair.
My personal politics is this: if you get married, you have made a legal agreement to not have sex with anyone else. Period. In truth, I would love to see every politician who lacks the rudimentary common sense required to not trade your career for a piece of intern ass get kicked to the curb. But it is not going to happen.
I would also like to live in a world where it is impossible for people to criticize someone for doing something that they are doing themselves. You have these commentators and pundits who are up in arms, but my inner cynical prophet tells me that most of these wind-bags are only years away from their own affair scandal.
Stuff like this makes me tired, because people only claim to care when the affair is sensational, but when it is their own marriage, it seems that virtually the whole world thinks cheating on, betraying, harming, embarrassing, and debasing their spouses is completely OK, as long as you don’t get caught.
And that is the other thing: why should this guy resign? Does his affair somehow make him a less competent governor? Sure it is bad for his public image, but he is still the same guy he was before he decided to partake of some sex-tourism. If he hadn’t been caught, nobody would have ever thought less of him. I heard today that he was on the short list for Presidential candidacy for 2012 before he stupided himself to career death. If he had not been outed, he could have easily been elected, and likely would have run on his “upstanding character and family values.” And people would have voted for him. But he got caught, so we can be mad at him, while selectively choosing to NOT be mad at ourselves, or our favorite movie stars, who do the exact same thing as him. Because we, famously, are two-faced, double-standard-loving, hypocrites.

High Time for a Blog, Methinks!

2009-06-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

Wow, more than a month with no ranting. . . Either I am really busy, really distracted, or I have attained Nirvana. You decide. At any rate, it is time for me to descend from my exalted state of Zen bliss to share a rant with the world once again.

In my crosshairs today: TV commercials that are not only stupid, but which insult the collective intelligence of their audiences.

I have several complaints about commercials. In fact, I have a LOT of complaints about commercials. Here are a few of them:

Volume: It is completely ridiculous that TV commercials are broadcast at 10 or more decibels louder than the program they are sponsoring. How on earth is this kind of crap not illegal? Sometimes, I will be watching a dramatic movie that is using volume to build suspense (AKA, it is quiet), so I have to turn up the volume so as to hear the TV above the dog and bird. It is some kind of hide-and-seek scene, and the hero has cleverly secreted himself behind some rafters, but it is hot, and sweat is dripping down his nose, threatening to betray him with the sound of a single water drop. The music pulses slowly like a heart-beat, and you see the bad-guys slow, stalking footsteps as he comes around the final corner . . . and then:

I ALWAYS THOUGHT MY CONSTIPATION WAS 'CUZ I EAT A POUND OF CHEESE AT EVERY MEAL, BUT MY DOCTOR TOLD ME THAT I JUST NEED TO TAKE ONE CONSTIGONE TABLET A DAY, AND NOW I CAN POOP LIKE I HAVE AMOEBIC DYSENTERY!

AAAAaaaarrrrggh! Not only are the commercials loud, but they are ridiculous, which totally kills my movie buzz, and which also leads me to my next point - Pharmaceutical adds should be more tightly regulated.

Let me explain. I think it should be illegal to run a commercial for any pharamceutical wherein the list of adverse side effects is longer than the list of positive effects. Have you seen these ads? It is like this: "Constigone tablets, when taken with a diet rich in fiber and water and wood pulp, have been shown to reduce constipation in 3% of participants in a double-blind study. Results are not typical. Participants also reported experiencing vomiting, nausea, head aches, numbness of the tongue and scalp, vertigo, psychosis, growth of additional limbs and skin discoloration. Constigone is known by the State of California to cause cancer and Republicanism. So ask your doctor if Constigone might be right for you!"

Yeah -- FAIL.

OK, so the last one is the one that bugs me the most, and is also the most ubiquitous. It is the almost-statement, or the near-claim. Not only are these annoying, but they are insulting, and could only be intended to play upon the perceived stupidity of the purchasing public. Let me give you an example. There is an ad running right now for a car. Let's call it the Niceson Impressive. The whole ad is based on the premise that a competing car company, Boy-Yoda doesn't have a comparable car in the same price range. So basically, the Impressive is compared to something that doesn't exist. The question I am left asking is this: what kind of crap-log is this car, that it has to be compared to nothingness in order to compare positively?

And then there is this one: the "5 times better" non-claim. They appear in commercials like this: "Our new line of Constigone works 5 times better, with fewer side effects!"

Sounds good right? Well, not to me.

I am left asking - 5 times better than what, precisely? Fewer side effects than what? It sounds like they are making a big claim, but they are saying precisely nothing.

It would be like me advertising myself like this: "Try the new and improved Dan, now 5 times stronger and 100% taller!" I can get away with it, because I am only claiming to be 5 times stronger than my Beagle, and 100% taller than a 3'1" tall child. You have to read the small print, which is written in nanites on the bottom of the screen for a nanosecond.

So yeah, that is what I hate about commercials. At least some of the things I hate about commercials. So how do I strike back? I make a point to remember which items have the worst ads, and I boycott them. Forever. Take THAT, Oxyclean!

Back in the Saddle!

2009-05-06T10:13:00.000-07:00

I am back in business! What is more, I am in business for myself!

On Monday I officially opened the doors of Riverbend Counseling, and I am now the proud owner of my own business.

I am equal parts excited and terrified.

I am excited because of all of the different opportunities that are now open to me. I can now start to realize some of the dreams I have always had, and make a practice that truly reflects my own personality and philosophy.

I am terrified because, as of right now, I am paying money to work. I have a few leads on clients, but nothing really concrete. So that is going to be the first order of business: get some clients.

I am working on that aspect of things right now. Meeting with folks in the community, in the Church, in schools. Basically just getting my name out there and hoping that someone will take a shot with me.

So many of you have been helpful and supportive. Thank you for that. There have been plenty of obstacles, from politics to bankers to office logistics, and those obstacles have been depressing. But then we get phone calls, emails, and Facebook messages that are so uplifting and encouraging that we know we can go on. We have also gotten so much direct support from our friends and family. It is reaffirming to see that, when the chips are down, our friends and loved ones have stepped up to help us out. We are so grateful for that support and kindness you have shown.

So keep your eyes open for new developments. I have a website that is under construction, and as soon as it is up I will be posting weekly blog entries on mental health topics. I will be posting links to that blog on this one.

So now it is win or go home time. I have always wanted to start a private practice, but I always imagined I would wait until I was in my 40s and the economy was booming. Well, that is not the hand I was dealt, but I am still going to make a run for it.

So, if you know anyone who needs a good therapist, I am available. In fact, I have appointments open from 9:00 to 6:00, Monday through Friday. The number to call is 303-250-8329. Ask for Dan, and tell him that Dan sent you.

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T10:13:00.000-07:00

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you.

King Louie

2009-04-03T20:46:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I last had a dog. To be honest, I never really had a dog of my own. My family has had dogs. Several in fact. There were the Samoyed Huskies when I was very little, then a succession of black labs, including Briquette and Muscles. And then of course, there was Gizmo. The family has always had dogs, but they were more like community property, belonging to everyone together and no one specifically. To be fair, the whole family actually belonged to Gizzy, but that is to be expected from Chihuahua royalty.

But now I have my own dog. My very own. And it is incredible. Louie is, without a doubt, the best dog I have ever had. Gizzy is a very close second, may she rest in little doggy peace, but there is just something special about Louie.

As I have struggled with unemployment, and the injustice of the whole situation, there have been times when the emotion of it all has overwhelmed me. There was one instance, when I was searching in vain for new job postings and feeling particularly bitter and angry, when Louie made himself noticed. I sat at the computer with bitter tears welling in my eyes, and Louie came up to me, tail wagging and floppy ears dangling. He put his front paws on my knees, and wanted to come up. I picked him up, and he started licking the tears off my cheeks, and then nuzzled down into my neck. It was precisely and exactly the emotional support that I needed at the moment, and it came from a dog.

How do they know? How do dogs know just how to respond to human emotion? Do we smell different when we are upset? Do they have a special 6th sense for picking up on human emotions? However they do it, I am grateful for it.

I am especially grateful for Louie in a way that many people will never be able to understand. I know it is irrational, and I am even a little embarrassed to admit it, but Louie is like the son Dana and I have been unable to have.

Some of you will know what I am talking about, because you have been there. You have struggled to have children, and in the mean time, you have been enormously grateful for the unconditional love of a dog (or two). You know who you are. The rest of you will just have to imagine. When what you want most of all in the world is to have children, a dog is like a godsend. A dog gives you someone to love, someone to teach, and someone to take care of. And a dog loves you back. A dog gives you a reason to refer to your wife as "mommy," which is a gift of such great value that I can't even describe it. A dog of my own has given me somebody who looks up to me, someone who depends on me. Someone who makes me feel, even just a little bit, like a dad. And that, again, is a gift of such great value as to defy description.

I love him. More than is even remotely logical. He is the best therapist I have ever had, and exactly what Dana and I need right now. I love what he has done for her, and how often he makes her smile with affection and pride. He is not a pet at all. He is family.

Which, in what might be an odd turn, helps me to feel even more confident about our adoption decision. I figure, if I can love a little adopted four legged beagle as intensely as I do, then loving an adopted baby should be as natural as sunrise. I think I always knew that, but having the proof right in front of me, licking my toes and making me laugh in spite of myself, makes me that much more certain.

One More Adventure in Joblessness

2009-03-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

I thought I would take the opportunity of this beautiful lazy Sunday morning (love 1:00 church!) to fill you all in on how the job search is going, since many of you have asked me and given me very warm wishes and encouragement.

Basically, I have sent my resume out to every position that looks even remotely close to what I do, and I have heard back from three spots already. I have also had two preliminary interviews. One of them was really good, and the other was, well terrible. Let me explain. . . no, no, there is too much. Let me sum up.

The first interview I had was the terrible one. It was at a residential treatment facility for teens in Wheat Ridge. From talking to the director, Dr. P on the phone it was clear that he was opinionated and offensive, and that he lacked even the basic social grace of not being a jerk to strangers. For instance, he stated on the phone, before he even knew anything about me, that he was taking applications from "social workers, retards and Republicans." Now, I dunno if that sort of thing is supposed to be funny, but I didn't think it was funny at all. I gave him a courtesy laugh, because I was trying to get in his good graces, but that was the first very bad sign.

So then I show up for the interview two days later. I was on time, by which I mean I was 15 minutes early. I was given some paperwork to fill out, which I did. It was a lot of paperwork and took me nearly 45 minutes to finish. When I was done, Dr. P had still not arrived for our appointment. So I wandered around the waiting room, looking at the paintings and books. For 30 more minutes. In the end, my interview did not start for a full hour and a half later than the scheduled time. Second very bad sign. I took that as evidence that this guy is clearly ego-centric and inconsiderate, feeling entitled to other peoples' time and having no respect for their schedules.

So he finally comes in with two of the other therapists who would have been my colleagues if I had hired on there. He starts asking questions, but it was not like a usual interview in which the interviewer actually wants to learn things about the interviewee. No, it was more like an inquisition. I made a statement on one of the forms he gave me that I prefer to be transparent with my clients about what is going on, and what I am thinking. He asked me what I meant by that, then cut me off three words into my answer to tell me that transparency is wrong, and then rambled for ten minutes telling me why I was wrong, and what he thinks transparency should be. He did that sort of thing often: cutting me off during my answer. Third very bad sign.

The last straw was the worst one, and it was this: the guy was a world class jerk. If I ever meet someone who is as big an unprovoked jerk as Dr. P, I will give that man an award. He was so brusk, so off-putting, so offensive in the interview that I can only imagine what he is like to people he is familiar with. He swore all over the place, and not just in common places. He was vulgar, rude and thoughtless in his comments. He claimed to be "culturally sensitive" and asked me all sorts of aggressive questions about my ability to work well with other cultures. The whole time I am thinking to myself "Buddy, you are a complete tool, and the most insensitive guy I have ever met." And then, after a particularly vulgar tirade, he asked me if I have thick skin. I told him, "You haven't even phased me yet."

Then he says, and this is a direct quote (my apologies to the sensitive) "Don't be so narcisistic. I get a hard-on from jerking people around, and you haven't even taken a wrinkle out of my dick." And that was pretty much the end of the interview. Go out with a bang, eh?

And this guy claims to be able to be sensitive enough to help people with their problems? I doubt seriously if he can even see them past his own swollen ego. Fourth and final very bad sign. So thanks Dr. P, for replacing the pedophile principal of my old elementary school as the biggest jerk I know.

A Rant to Clear my Mind

2009-03-10T22:58:00.000-07:00

So I have a lot of junk rattling around in my noggin' lately, especially since I was forced to leave my job on Friday. The mixture of being frustrated/angry and having a lot of time to think is not a good one for me. It drags on my native optimism.

So, ironic as it may seem, I am ranting now to cheer myself up. Nothing adds a little extra silver lining to my own emotional thunderheads like complaining about someone else's mistakes or foolishness.

It seems like I have beat the economic bail-out into the ground lately, and I am personally tired of talking politics, so lets move on to greener pastures and talk about something I am equally passionate/disgruntled about but rarely rant about: psychotherapy.

Specifically, it bothers me to no end that therapists so seldom seem to practice what they study. I mean, generally, we tend to be good in relationships, and are great in clinical settings. But so often, those relationship/communication skills and understanding of the human psyche fall to complete crap outside of those clinical environments. Get us out of our offices and away from our couches, and we are just as instinctual and irrational as the general population.

I see therapists do crap of this sort all of the time. They make poor, thoughtless decisions, act on shallow and irrational emotions, and systematically avoid the very things that would bring greater productivity and happiness into their lives. In short - they are disordered.

The worst is when a group of several trained therapists fall prey to these negative behaviors themselves, and no one has the presence of mind to pull them out of the Group-Think funk. Even though they really ought to know better, they simply go along with the prevailing idea, not stopping to challenge the validity of it in the first place.

So, decisions are made poorly, and the consequences are terrible, and it is all avoidable from the outset. And even though therapists actually do know better, they don't use that knowledge except when asked to use it by clients. Because we lack the same introspective talent that so many of our clients lack. We don't have that native gift that some people have to question themselves and their own conclusions. We are therapists, so we believe that our opinions and conclusions are always right, and we don't second guess ourselves. More is the pity.

See, and even though I wanted to not rant about losing my job, I just managed to rant about it passive-aggressively. No different than anyone else, even though I do know better. It seems to still be true that knowing is not doing.

The Newest Unwanted Adventure

2009-03-07T13:02:00.000-08:00

I know it is an impersonal way to give everyone this news, but I just didn't feel like repeating the story a dozen times on the phone.

As of yesterday I no longer work for LDS Family Services. I no longer work for anyone, for that matter.

I wish I could tell you why it happened, but I honestly don't really know. I thought things were humming along nicely when I came in to work on Friday, but then my boss came in and told me that I was being let go. He cited that my paperwork had fallen behind, but couldn't give me more than two incorrect claims of arrears paperwork. So it remains a mystery. What I know for sure is that the company is restructuring, and I fear that I may have been an easy target to get rid of before the changes hit, so that there are less people in the office to move around. Of course, that is speculation, but a lot of evidence seems to point in that direction.

As one might expect, I am angry and feel betrayed. I mean, what I am accused of doing with my paperwork is nowhere near as bad as the mess that I had to clean up after the guy I replaced. He didn't have a single file that was not missing important documents. You know what happened to that guy? He got promoted. Where is the justice there?

So yeah, I am bitter. Maybe ranting against my newly-former employer is bad form, but I think they deserve it. My boss feels that he went to bat for me, but I don't see how all of the positive work and hours of overtime I have put into that job can count for virtually nothing, while a few unfiled documents can torpedo me without so much as me being given a heads-up about the problems before hand.

I mean, in the last two months, I have placed adopted children with 7 families, worked almost every other weekend, and come home later than 8 at least once a week. In fact, the day before I got fired, I was working until 10:30 pm. I thought I was doing a good job. Maybe I was just working too hard, and hence didn't have enough time to fill out all of my paperwork in a timely enough fashion. Who knows?

What I do know is that I expected better of an LDS organization. I would have at least expected them to work with me to resolve their concerns, rather than keep a super-secret collection of complaints against me without giving me the knowledge needed to change things. I am sure that the folks involved feel that they were fair. That is precisely the problem: their system is broken, so they can do tremendously hurtful and unfair things behind closed doors, pat themselves collectively on the back, and feel justified in terminating an employee for spurious reasons without even letting that employee face his accusers and present his own arguments.

I had precisely two hours to clear out my office and leave. My boss was told to watch me the whole time. I can only assume they were worried that I would steal a stapler or format the hard-drive. I mean, being fired was hard, but being watched like a criminal was insulting. What a joke. I have a Temple recommend, and have never stolen anything or acted in malice towards anyone. I think it just shows that they knew their actions were unjust. If they felt it was done right, then they should have had no grounds for fearing that I would do something irrational or spiteful. My boss watching me like I was a sex offender in a preschool is just evidence to me that he knew what was happening was not right, and he expected me to follow suit.

Well, I didn't, and I wouldn't have. But I now know more about LDS Family Services than I previously did. And hopefully, they know more about me now than they previously did. This blog entry is the extent of the venting I will do. I bear no malice for them, but I will always know that I was not treated fairly. I was set up to fail, so I failed. If that is what they wanted me to do, I only wish they would have had the honor and courage to tell me to my face.

So I am back in the job market, during the worst economy of my life. Hoo-friggin'-ray.

As a side note, my wife is the awesomest woman alive. When she found out, you know what her response was? "Should I put back this stuff I just bought at Costco?" No blaming, no anger, just awesome patience, level-headedness and supportiveness. With Dana at my side, I could be a homeless beggar and still have more wealth than LDS Family services (or anyone, for that matter) could ever give me.

The Next Frontier

2009-03-03T10:11:00.000-08:00

I have come to a conclusion: I can't keep up this blog. At least, not in the way that I have been keeping it up. I have way too many random thoughts, and I type way too slow to keep up with my thinking. On the other hand, I can talk plenty fast enough to keep up with my rambling cognitions.

That leads me to a simple truth: I need to change this blog to something more like a vlog. I need to use a medium that will allow me to be both expressive and also not require me to hit [backspace] 500 times per entry. I am still working out the kinks, trying to find a way to do this that will be more aesthetically pleasing than just watching me yack for a few minutes. I will figure it out, though.

So stay tuned. Big things are about to start hap'nin round here.

Bathroom Stall BFF

2009-02-26T12:36:00.000-08:00

So here is my dilemma: I am a pretty healthy guy, bulging waistline notwithstanding. There are aspects of my general physical health that are very dependable. Regular, you might say. The result of this. . . regularity is that I find myself leaving my office virtually daily at or very close to 10:00am. I take a short stroll down the hall, past the secretaries, turn right at the corner, go through the double doors, and then enter the large, echoing, tile-floored room on the right.

There is nothing extraordinary about this by itself. Quite natural, and a welcome respite from the work day. Not the most pleasant of respites, but that is not to be avoided. However, recently something extraordinary has been happening to me during these excursions.

Here is the scenario: I enter the little boy's room, and take care of my -ahem- business. While I am in there, as compromised as I tend to ever be on a daily basis, I have been startled to find that someone else in the building is, well, digesting on the same schedule as me. It plays out like this - I enter the stall, yadda-yadda-yadda, then, mid-business, a mystery person enters the stall next to me, and starts his own business. The thing is, it is always the same guy!

I mean, having a stall neighbor is never comfortable. It is not exactly a social activity I am engaged in. That discomfort is compounded exponentially when it is the same guy over and over. All I know about this man is that he wears brown wing tip shoes, and is on the same digestive plan as me. Suffice it to say, when he enters, I hastily make my exit.

But what is the socially appropriate thing to do? How many times do I have this encounter before I break the ice, and start up conversation? And what would I possibly say? "So, brown-wing-tip guy. I am black-slip-on man. Did you have Cheerios for breakfast, too?"

No, I don't think there is any way to make this not awkward. The only saving grace is that I haven't met brown-wing-tip man outside of the stalls. If I did, I might not feel comfortable shaking his hands. After all, I do know where he has been.

Too Broken to Save

2009-02-20T10:15:00.000-08:00

I know I have commented a lot about this topic, and you may be getting tired of it, but I feel a lot of steam about this one, and I need to vent.

First - an announcement: YOUR GOVERNMENT WASTED BILLIONS OF DOLLARS ON THE AMERICAN AUTOMOBILE INDUSTRY. That is right, wasted. GM and Chrysler, both of whom got enormous bailouts from the American tax payers, have come back to Washington, begging for more money, since the first astronomical sum was not enough.

You know what they call this sort of thing in the banking/investment industry? Throwing good money after bad. It is not a good idea. Not good for you, not good for your family, not good for your business, and certainly not good for the United States of America. GM is a dying animal. Why are we feeding it more and more? Why on earth do the politicians who hold this country's purse strings believe it is a good idea to give even more money to a company that is obviously incapable of making sound financial decisions? I mean, sure: GM is in a tight spot, and that tight spot is very complicated. Unions, legacy costs, poor quality, bad reputation, blah, blah, blah. It seems to me that those exact same items make a good argument AGAINST investing tax payer dollars in GM.

Now I know this sounds heartless, and I know that hundreds of thousands of jobs are on the line, but GM has got to be allowed to die. It is never wise to let a cancer grow, and that is what GM has become. A cancer. A malignant, deadly tumor that has wrapped itself around several major organs of the American economy. The good news is, the economy can survive a GMectomy. It will be painful, but we can do it. This whole argument about companies being too big to fail is a false premise. I don't buy it. If they are too big to fail, then they wouldn't fail. So, since GM is failing, it is obviously not too big to fail. More correctly, it is too broken to rescue.

But instead, our wise and benevolent leaders in Washington don't see the trouble in feeding this tumor. They don't worry about the sickening effect on the nation of maintaining the existence of such a fundamentally unsound mega-corporation. They are too worried about keeping their jobs to make the hard decisions that need to be made. And then, to add ultimate insult to injury - they are spending some of the taxpayers billions on expensive lobbyists, who go to Washington in silk suits to lean on the legislature to keep their disease alive and thriving to sicken the economy for another few months.

Let's just do what every farmer worth his salt already understands to do: if one of your animals gets too sick to work, you have to shoot it. Otherwise, it eats the feed and drinks the water needed to keep the other animals strong and working. GM, you need to die. I will miss you. Especially the Corvette. But you have outlived your usefulness, and have now become a disease.

The United Corporation of America

2009-02-04T16:37:00.000-08:00

OK, so I have to unload something. Buckle up, because this one has been building up steam for a while now, so I can't predict where it will go or what it will do. Got your safety goggles on? Good, then here 'goes.

Since when did America become a nation of the people for the corporations? When did that happen? How did it become suddenly appropriate for the private, self interested corporations of this country to take assistance from the public coffers as if they were entitled to it? This whole idea of "too big to fail" has a very nasty under-belly, and that under-belly is called "too big to be responsible."

OK, to provide a little context to this rant - this morning I was watching the news as I usually do, and they ran a story about Wells Fargo, which just so happens to by my own bank. Well, it seems that Wells Fargo got into a bit of trouble when folks in Washington found out that the bank was planning a snooty, high priced retreat for some hundreds of its employees to Las Vegas, where they had booked rooms in Vegas' most expensive hotel. Now this would all be hardly news-worthy, except the money that was going to send this heartless greed-balls to Vegas was taken from the American tax payer. Yeah, Wells Fargo got a few hundred million dollars from the federal government out of the TARP program, and then tried to turn around and spend some of that money to pat themselves on the back. If not for some diligent auditor in Washington, my grandma and countless thousands of other fixed-income tax payers would have been conned into paying for some extravagant, wasteful and entirely unjustified corporate orgy. How on earth can these schmucks sleep at night? They are little more than petty thieves if they try to pull this crap.

Don't you just wanna puke at this stuff? Here is another part of it that blows my mind: what on earth are they congratulating themselves for? What could they possibly have to celebrate? I imagine the reasoning at a lot of banks in America is something like this:

"Our poor decisions, wreckless policies and complete disregard for the long-term interests of both our customers and share holders, as well as our whole-sale failure to practice prudent lending and fiscal policy have resulted in the near bankruptcy of our corporation. Our actions, which have partially caused a global recession of epic proportions, have forced us to seek the assistance of the American government, relying on the financial support of the tax paying public. At times such as these, it has become necessary to lay of thousands of employees and make drastic changes in policy and practices. However, since we are too big to fail, and we hold the average tax payer in the most extreem contempt, we have found it prudent to reward ourselves lavishly for our success in getting the poor suckers to bail us out in the first place."

It makes me ill. Seriosly ill. I can't let myself think about it for too long, or I start to punch things. But lets just take a look at the complete disconnect from reason that our government is practicing: Lets take GM for example. They make a series of ridiculous and self-damaging decisions, produce sub-standard cars for several decades, and are unresponsive to the oil and energy crisis. Their cars are over-priced, poorly built, and uninspired. In short - the have proven time and time again that they are poorly run, and that the people at the helm make piss-poor decisions and have 0 foresight and vision. Is this really the kind of company the American tax payer should be forced to throw their money at? And what on earth makes us think that GM is capable of doing anything other than what they have done thus far? Don't you think that if they were capable of correction that they would have already corrected themselves? But no. We don't want them to fail for their failures. We want to keep them on life support so it takes them forever to finally die, so that meanwhile they can remain sick and continue their failed practices.

And here is a little fun math for you. TARP is somewhere around 700 billion dollars. The United States of America contains somewhere around 300 million people. The same money that is being given to corporations that have already proven themselves to be flacid, ineffectual and greedy beyond rational explanation would work itself out to be somewhere around $12,000 per American family of 5. How is that money doing more good in the hands of wreckless and irresponsible corporations than it would be doing in the hands of the average American?

If I had an extra $12,000 bones to spend, you know what I would do? Probably use the money to make payments on my mortgage, or to pay for half of a new car. I certainly could buy myself a kickin' home theater system, for sure. Too bad our banks and car makers and home electronic stores don't need any help, huh?

Blogger Therapy

2009-02-01T10:47:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to get something off of my chest. Dana and I have decided, after 6 years of trying more or less intensively to get pregnant, to adopt a child. If you have ever had to make a similar decision, then you know how horrible and painful infertility is, and how hard the decision to adopt can be. Even though adoption is a wonderful thing, it is still a very hard choice to be forced to make, and one that is usually made only after all the other options have failed.

Dana always says that she wants little kids who look like I looked as a boy, with curly blonde hair and rosy cheeks. With adoption, we have a chance to be parents, but it comes at the cost of never seeing a little version of yourself running around. It is a high price, and is particularly hard for Dana to pay.

But the dream of parenthood is stronger than the regret, so we are proceeding this year with our adoption plans. However, we have already run into our first hurdle. You might think that, since I work for an adoption agency, we would have an advantage over other adopting parents, but you would be wrong.

It turns out that Colorado has a fairly strict conflict of interest law that prohibits us from adopting through an agency for which either of us works. I have tried several different interpretations of the statute, and have asked just about everyone I can think to ask, but I have not been able to find a legal way of staying with LDSFS and adopting through them. It looks like we may have to adopt through a private agency, which is the height of irony.

I help people in the adoption process every day, but I am not allowed to help my own family grow. Get outta here. I understand the reason behind conflict of interest laws, but this one seems extraneous in the extreme. It is not like I am going to go pay someone to give us their baby, or force someone to pick us. We would just be another normal adoptive couple on the books, like everyone else. It just seems like we should be able to sign some kind of affidavit that we have not used undue influence in the process. Grrrrr.

Anyway, we now are looking at adopting through a private agency. The only problem is that a private agency is going to charge us 2 to 4 times more than LDSFS would. Of course we are willing to pay whatever in order to become parents, but a higher fee means a longer time saving up the money, which means more waiting before we can be parents. Which of course just aggravates the already-extant frustration of infertility.

Other people have babies left and right, without wanting them or being capable of raising them, and those children are paid for by Medicaid or other social funds. We, who are both desiring and capable, also have to save up a large sum of money before we can even hope to be parents. Fair doesn't even come into it.

Witness to History

2009-01-20T14:06:00.000-08:00

I am so proud to have seen this day. I am so proud to live in a time when America, the land of my home and my heart, has shown a small glimpse of its wonderful promise. I am so proud to be able to tell future generations that I lived in the days when a black man became President of the United States of America.

I am not sure why President Obama's story is so moving to me. I am not sure why I relate to it so strongly. I do not know why I teared up while I watched the inaugural speech and saw the millions of Americans gathered on the Washington Mall, listening to their newly elected leader.
Perhaps it is because I identify myself with two persecuted groups: the Mormons and the Native Americans. Perhaps it is because I am a believer in the enduring strength of the human spirit, which belief was vindicated in great measure today. Perhaps it is because, throughout my whole life, I have stood on the privileged side of race and wished, desperately, that I could erase the divide, and give to all of God's children the opportunities He intended us all to have.

Perhaps it is because I have seen myself as an unwilling member of an oppressive group. My face looks more like the Custers and Klansmen of the past than it looks like the Martin Luther Kings and Ghandis. I don't want to be one of that group, or at least I don't want that legacy. I wish I could disown the past insults to humanity that are part of the history of the Anglo/Saxon tribe, everything from the enslaving of the African continent and its people, to the wholesale execution of entire cultures in the Americas. I hate that legacy, and I want no part of it.

So it makes me feel cleaner somehow that Barak Obama is President. I still know the hateful and despicable things that my forefathers did. History doesn't change. What does change is my fear that history cannot be overcome, that oppression is permanent. Barak Obama is proof that all human beings are capable of tremendous things, no matter what oppressed population he or she comes from. It reaffirms my belief that all people, regardless of color, are overflowing in potential and are born with the seed of greatness within them. People of all races are the children of God, and have that divine potential within them.

So I think, in those ways among others, that Barak Obama's victory is not only a victory for him, or for black men, or for black people in general, but is a victory for all people, regardless of race. A victory for the oppressed and for the oppressors, and for the children of both.

U-T-A-H, Fight! Fight! Fight!

2009-01-03T19:12:00.000-08:00

Every once in a great while, life becomes sublime. Poetic. The tumblers fall into place, the stars align, and fate smiles on the little people.

That is not what happened yesterday. Yesterday, a fantastic yet underrated football team took a similarly fantastic yet overrated football team to the woodshed and gave them an old fashioned Mountain West whuppin.

I had prayed for a Utes win, but my faith was admittedly shaky. I listened to the pundits talk about how Bama would manhandle the Utes, and I was annoyed at their lack of respect for the nations ONLY undefeated team, but I also was concerned that they might know what they were talking about. The Utes had never played against Alabama. They were ranked #1 for 5 weeks. They had lost only to a very strong Florida program. They were touted as the best defense in the land, etc. etc.

My prayers for a Utes win were admittedly more wistful than fervent, but I went into the game hoping, and maybe even expecting a win. At the very least I wanted my Utes to acquit themselves well, and make a respectable showing.

And then Brian Johnson got the ball. That first quarter was stunning. Beautiful, powerful, dominating football. Bama looked like Toto after the tornado: "What the h*** just happened, and where the h*** are we?" I loved the body language on the Bama sideline after we went up 21 to nothing. I imagined that is what the Philistines must have looked like when Goliath lost his head, and David started picking up more rocks.

I also loved the delicious silence from some of the moderators who were busy pulling their feet out of their mouths. It took until half time, but when they eventually did come around, they were singing the same tune that Ute fans have been singing for four years now: The Utes can play with the best in the nation, and the BCS keeps them out without a single credible reason.

It was very sweet to watch my Utes come away from the Sugar Bowl with National recognition and respect. It was very sweet to watch them tear that respect away from a grudging national powerhouse like the Crimson Tide. It was very sweet to hear the Fox moderators talk at length after the game about how the Utes deserved a shot at the championship, and how they could likely beat any team in the nation, including Florida. What was most sweet of all was the fact that my Utes earned every piece of it. A perfect season, pounded out one game at a time, proving week after week that they are an elite team and deserve their top ten ranking, topped off by a similarly hard-earned win over a "top-tier" team.

Plenty of excuses have been and will be made about why Bama lost to the Utes. When all is said and done, the only real reason is that Bama lost because the Utes were better. The only team in the United States that has no loss in 2008 is my Utah Utes. That will be on the books forever. That is sweet as Sugar.

2008-12-24T12:18:00.000-08:00

Eleven years ago at about this time of year I was in the MTC. Yeah, I wouldn't exactly recommend going into the MTC for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Kwaanza and Hanukkah, but being there for that time of year definitely had its up sides. We had mad firesides with all sorts of General Authorities. It was actually pretty cool.

At one of those firesides I heard a song that has stuck with me ever since, even though I have not heard it again. The tune was unforgetable, as were some of the passages of text. The problem was, I could never remember enough of the text to try looking the song up.

And then it hit me today while walking down the hall at work. I was humming the tune, and inserting the words as I knew them, when the tumblers of memory clicked in and I could remember a whole phrase: ". . . some children see him almond eyed."

I ran to my computer, and with the help of my faithful friend Google, found the text to this wonderful and stirring, but neglected Christmas song. I am overjoyed to have found it again, and wanted to share it with anyone who cares to read this blog.

Some Children See Him
Some children see Him lily white,
the baby Jesus born this night.
Some children see Him lily white,
with tresses soft and fair.
Some children see Him bronzed and brown,
The Lord of heav'n to earth come down.
Some children see Him bronzed and brown,
with dark and heavy hair.

Some children see Him almond-eyed,
this Savior whom we kneel beside.
Some children see Him almond-eyed,
with skin of yellow hue.
Some children see Him dark as they,
sweet Mary's Son to whom we pray.
Some children see him dark as they,
and, ah! they love Him, too!

The children in each different place
will see the baby Jesus' face
like theirs, but bright with heavenly grace,
and filled with holy light.
O lay aside each earthly thing
and with thy heart as offering,
come worship now the infant King.
'Tis love that's born tonight!

After I found it I did some snooping around, and discovered that there are a lot of different versions of this song. I recommend going to Itunes and finding a copy to listen to yourself. It is, after all, one of the most Christian Christmas songs I have ever heard. I hope it sticks in your mind and heart, too.

Thank You, Jesus

2008-12-22T20:44:00.000-08:00

There wasn't room for you in the inn. When you were a child your life was threatened. You lived a life of poverty in an enslaved society. You never knew fame without also knowing derision and scorn. You worked miracles and were accused of being possessed. You taught peace and were rewarded with violence. You healed the sick, the lame, the blind, yet you were tortured to death. You felt the burdens and anguish of the entirety of humanity, and still gave us a way to escape our suffering through yours. You died on the cross, and yet you live.

You saved us all. You are the greatest gift we have ever been given. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for showing us a more perfect way to live. Thank you for opening the gates of heaven to let us in. Thank you for carrying our burdens and lifting our hearts.

We didn't deserve you. We never will. Thank you for loving us anyway. Thank you for being our Lord, our Redeemer, and our Friend. Thank you or giving us Christmas, but more importantly, thank you for giving us Easter.

In the News

2008-12-16T18:58:00.001-08:00

So I am a word nerd. I like words, languages, linguistics, novels, limericks, etymology, you name it. An outshoot of this nerdery is that I am rarely confronted with a word I don't know the meaning of, or one that I cannot at least guess the meaning of from its relatives and components.

Imagine my annoyance then, when the news of this Madoff Ponzi Scheme broke. If you haven't heard about it, some guy named Madoff (pronounced Made-off, which is an irony I can't stop reveling in) stole billions (yes, with a b - which makes my teeth hurt) of investor dollars over the past decade or so. I am not so annoyed with the story itself as I am with the fact that I had no idea what a Ponzi scheme is.

That fact by itself is not so annoying. If someone came up to me and started talking in Polish, I would have virtually no idea what any of their words meant. This is due to the simple fact that I don't speak Polish. It would be completely normal for me to ask for an interpretation. What annoys me about the whole Ponzi thing is that, as the reporters were talking about the details of the story, not one of them deigned to explain what a Ponzi scheme is. They just chattered on as if what they were talking about were common knowledge, like they were discussing bread or socks.

I don't like to not know things that are common knowledge, since not knowing common knowledge seems to indicate being substandard in some way. I can't stand being substandard, especially with words. So I looked up the meaning of the term from the source of all truth: wikipedia. Here it is, in case you are interested:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ponzi_schemes

Now that I know, I am once again at peace with the world. But not knowing made my drive home from Fort Collins decidedly. . . annoying.

Rampant Snobbery

2008-12-15T11:22:00.000-08:00

OK, so I drive a lot for my job. Mostly to Wyoming and Fort Collins. This gives me a lot of time to do two things: think and listen to NPR. Most of the time, those two pursuits are complimentary. Sometimes, however, my thinking gets all bothered by NPR. Those times produce rants like this one:

I was listening today to a report about milk, of all things. And no, it was not related in any way to the new movie about the openly gay politician played by Sean Penn. It was about actual milk, as in from cows and other mammals. It seems some elderly woman with a very shaky 'On Golden Pond'-esque voice has written a book about the history of milk through the ages, and she had been invited as a guest on All Things Considered.

I have no problem with her writing a book about the history of milk. It is not a book I am going to read, but I am sure there is some bibliophile out there somewhere who is just dying to find out what the Assyrians or Huns did with their dairy products. I mean, this lady is more than entitled to write a book about the history of Velcro or yodeling for all I care.

What bothered me was this: she is a milk snob. She was talking, without even the slightest hint of sarcasm, about the 'zest' and 'depth' of milk, and about qualitative differences between the milk of cows raised on too much corn, vs. pure grass and hay. She claimed that grass and hay fed cows produce milk that is 'thicker and more full-bodied.' She also went so far as to dispute the value of the 'organic' label, and stated that she will only drink milk that has been produced by free-ranging, grass and hay fed cows, whose grass and hay was free of pesticides, herbicides, and chemical fertilizers. It was snobbery writ large, and over milk of all things.

Now I like milk as much as the next guy. I love the stuff. I even admit to a modicum of milk snobbery myself. I will not drink skim milk, and the closer to whole the better I like it. There is also this ultra-high-heated sterilized milk that is like hitting your tongue with the nasty stick. I don't drink that either. But that is as far as I can go. I feel silly about not drinking skim milk. I don't understand how this lady can be so picky and so hyper selective without having at least some sense of her own looniness and oddity. She is an odd duck, but is unaware of it. Her intense interest in milk is laughable, yet she is not laughing. She doesn't get it.

I think this is true of all snobs, and I think that is why snobs tend to seek each other out. Snobbery is an abnormality. It is weird. Wine snobs, Jazz snobs, ballet snobs, BBQ snobs, and even milk snobs are just plain goofy. It is odd to be so selective and judgmental about something mundane and trivial. So, rather than hang out with the normal crowd and feel weird, the snobs hang out with other snobs, so they can feel normal and can have someone else to talk with about the 'smokiness' and 'sultriness' of a jazz saxophonist, or about the 'zest' and 'depth of creaminess' of milk.

Snobbery is an artifact of societal luxury. If you are starving, you will eat just about anything, including frogs and snails. Hence the vast majority of French cuisine that traces its origins to the French peasantry. None of those old Gauls cared at all about the 'pep' or 'earthiness' of their meals. They were starving, and snails were easy to catch. Only later on did people start to try to become appreciative and selective about these necessities. The same is true for milk, wine, cheese, bread, cars, sub-atomic particles, opera singers, nebulae, poems, philosophy, and just about anything else you can snob about.

There is a place for everything, and just about anything that exists has a function and a purpose. When we begin to over analyse something beyond the scope of its purpose we have entered, not into the realm of refinement and culture, but into the realm of silliness and snobbery. Lets stop treating snobbery as a virtue, and start admitting that an abnormal interest in something like milk is, at very least, abnormal. Not bad or good, just odd, like Donald Trumps hair, or Australian animals.

Nero's Playing the Fiddle

2008-12-12T14:59:00.000-08:00

I tried and tried to keep this rant to myself, but if I don't get it out before I go home, my poor dear wife is going to have to listen to me go on about it for hours.

The burr under my saddle is the whole auto industry bail-out debacle. I was listening to the news yesterday as they reported that the deal failed because the wizards at the United Auto Workers labor union refused to take immediate pay cuts down to the levels of their counterparts at plants from Toyota and Honda.

Are they serious? Let me get this straight: your company is within weeks of complete financial ruin, and has come to the United States Government (aka the American Tax Payers) to beg for a handout so it can survive another month or two. You come with only one convincing argument as to why you should be allowed to live: your employees would lose their jobs if you don't get help, and that loss of jobs would be bad for the economy at large. You come from an organization that has been mismanaged, lacks direction and vision, and builds pathetically crappy cars (except the Corvette, or course). You come essentially to beg for your survival.

What, in that scenario, could possibly allow you to think that YOU get to insist on any terms whatsoever? Beggers cannot, after all, be choosers.

And yet that is exactly what they are trying to do. The bosses at the UAW refused to accept any kind of lowering of pay or benefits for their workers until 2011. In other words, until 3 years after GM has closed its doors or declared bankruptcy! How does this make sense to anyone?

It seems to me that the UAW should have been grateful for any kind of help, as long as their workers could keep their jobs. Instead, the stubbornness and thick-headedness of the union bosses has essentially ensured that the jobs and futures of all their workers are now virtually guaranteed to be at risk.

Sure, GM has other options beside the bail-out. THere is always bankruptcy. But why on earth would the UAW prefer for their employer to go bankrupt? I am no lawyer, but I know enough about bankruptcy to know that a judge has the power to redefine contracts and obligations. That means a judge could, without even letting the UAW folks take a seat at the table, decide that GM only owes its workers 50% of the benefits they were enjoying, and drastically reduced wages for a dramatically reduced work force. A judge could do that.

I mean, I may be wrong here, but how is that preferable to taking a pay cut but keeping your job? This kind of lack of ability to compromise is precisely what killed the American auto industry in the first place. The unions do not care for the workers. They are a political party, and adhere to their party line, even when it does not serve the interests of their constituents. The UAW may have just killed GM.

If that is the case, then mayber GM needs to die, so that the membership of the UAW can finally wake up and see that their Union made them all unemployed and destitute, rather than improving their conditions, as unions are intended to do. Maybe if GM dies, the UAW will be killed allong side of it. Based on the last few actions of the UAW, it seems like that would be good riddance indeed.

Something Clever

2008-12-03T16:13:00.000-08:00

I swear, I have ideas for writing on my blog ALL THE TIME, but then when I have time to write, I can't think of anything. It is like situational writer's block.

I figured it has been a while since I posted last, so I should show at least some sign of life, lest the blogosphere Search and Rescue be sent out after me.

OK, so here is what I am gonna write about - or rant about. My family.

As a general rule, my family is fantastic. I love all of my siblings, ex, half, step, inlaw and otherwise. Well, maybe not so much loving the ex-step-siblings, but I digress. Sometimes my older brother and I don't see eye to eye, but other than that, it is pretty much smooth familial sailing.

It was great to celebrate Thanksgiving with all of them (minus my big brother, who was in Chicago). We got to see our brand new nephew Koven (or Garbonzo, as he will be known to the world) and we got to spend some quality time with the folks. We would have liked more time with Jon and Chandelle and the nieces, but at least we got to see them all and celebrate the holiday together.

Somewhere in all that turkey laden bliss something completely messed up happened, and I am having a hard time fitting it into my head. While we were all celebrating our togetherness, someone snuck into the guest room and stole $80 from us! I mean, who does that? And on Thanksgiving of all days!

Of course, it pissed us off and hurt us. Its not like we have money to burn, and we spent over $200 on that Thanksgiving already. But what really cheeses me is the fact that, in my life, my family has stolen more from me than strangers have.

Let me be clear here: I don't know who took the $80. I can't even imagine who might have done it. All I know is that it was taken at a time when only family could have taken it, so deductive reasoning leaves no alternatives.

But if you go back 10 years or so, the person stealing from me was my step brother, Dusty. I mean, sure the guy is obviously mentally unstable and possibly disabled. But he stole a whole bunch of stuff from me, which he then pawned. I can only assume that he bought Meth with the money. He was not the brightest light on the Christmas tree. Yeah, it made me mad, and I no longer trusted him with 2 cents, but it was expected from him. At least I got my climbing gear back. The worst part is, that hoser has never even been man enough to apologize.

OK, so what is the point of all of this? I guess the point is that I expect better from my family. Maybe I am naive to do so, but there it is. I was not surprised when Dusty stole my stuff. He was an idiot and had impulse control issues. But nobody in my family now is an idiot. I just can't make sense of it. What could drive a decent, normal person to hurt someone they love like that? What kind of greed and selfishness could motivate someone to hurt someone else in such a callous way? It makes no sense to me. Not in my family.

And yet: yes, in my family.

Tough Day at Work

2008-11-18T11:49:00.000-08:00

Generally speaking, I love my job. I really do. It is a great thing to be involved in helping people improve their lives, end harmful patterns, and grow into their best (or at least better) selves. It can be immensely gratifying.

And then there are days like today, which are just tough. I am working with a girl right now who has had a rough life, and who has made a lot of mistakes. She is a fantastic girl, but she keeps repeating destructive patterns that are not moving her life towards anything but even more pain.

When I have clients like that, for whom change is so desperately needed, but for whom change also seems so impossibly distant, it is a challenge not only for my mind but also for my heart.

I try to keep my therapeutic distance, and I am succesful msot of the time, but even then I ache for my clients who hurt like she does. It is so hard for me to remain a therapist and avoid the temptation to become a friend. My job is to help her gain insight and create new patterns to replace the old ones, not to commiserate with her and give her a shoulder to cry on.

Therapy is often a game of patience and restraint, and NOT following the urge to give comfort and solace. I have to remember what my role is, and what it is NOT. On days like today, that distinction is hard to recognize and even harder to adhere to. I think I succeeded, but it was hard on me. It is tough to be a professional helper, and to not feel like you are helping as much as you might. It is hard to see a girl who is struggling so much with her own (largely) self created sorrows, and not jump in and try to save her. My job is to help her learn to save herself, not prevent her from learning by taking away her challenges. But precisely that difference is a very, very difficult line to walk.

And then I have to buck up and be upbeat for my next client, and I have 10 minutes in which to make the turn.

Of Dreams and Vindication

2008-11-04T20:04:00.000-08:00

I was going to write this post earlier today, but that would have been too premature even for me. Now, though, CNN has officially projected that our next president will be Barack Hussein Obama, and I just wanted to share some of my thoughts on that idea.

For the first time in my life, I can actually say that I believe in the age-old adage that anyone can be anything in America. I have heard it ever since I was a boy, but I have always seen too much evidence that there are far too many things in our country that far too many people simply could not realistically aspire to. I wanted to believe it, but could not. Yet now I sit here, knowing that the next president of the United States will be a black man. Even more surprising, I am not surprised. It feels right, and feels natural.

I am very proud to be an American right now. Not because Barack Obama is president, but because Barack Obama had a chance to become president in the first place. 40 years ago, when he was a young boy, there was no chance for him to ever aspire so high. 200 years ago, he would have legally been considered only 3/5 of a person. He was born into a world where people of his skin color were systematically and brutally repressed. In the year he was born, the idea of a black president would have been so ridiculous as to be laughable. The idea of a black mayor or governor was cause for outrage and protest. And then came a difficult, sometimes violent process of change. A million men and women marched on Washington. Rosa kept her seat. Martin had a dream.

But the dream was deferred. For a long time it seemed as though the dream would wither on the vine. A new glass ceiling seemed to slide into place, and it seemed to me that the fantastic and gifted Americans of color would be allowed only so much success, only a select few glimpses of their true potential. The 60s and 70 rolled by, and progress towards racial equality only progressed in fits and starts. The year I was born, America was overwhelmingly racist. If you would have asked me when I graduated high school if I thought I would ever live to see a black president, I would have told you that I would hope so, but didn't think it would ever happen.

And yet today it did happen. I have no idea what kind of president Barack Obama will be. Maybe a terrible one, maybe the best since Lincoln. Time will tell. What I am grateful for and proud of is that a black man has risen to the highest office of the most powerful nation in the world. I am also proud that the American people, both black and white, are starting to fulfill the dream that Dr. King spoke of. His dream was not a dream for black people, but a dream for an America where men are judged 'not for the color of their skin, but for the content of their character.'

This election was, I think, proof that we are finally making real progress towards that dream. God bless America. God blessed America.

No Party for Me

2008-10-28T09:29:00.001-07:00

Since the election is just one week away, I figured I should get in my last politico-minded post before I shift gears to making fun of the new president (Obama by a killing, I predict. I also predict that when McCain sees that he has lost Pennsylvania and Ohio, whatever is growing inside his left cheek will finally break out like in that scene from Alien.)

OK, so here is really why I am writing this post. I know who I am voting for, but it is not who I want to vote for. The truth is, I don't have anyone I really want to vote for. A good buddy of mine is going to write in Mickey Mouse. I sometimes feel the same way. In this election, I feel like I am choosing between two people I dislike, and going with the one I dislike least. How is that an ideal society?

I admit, that the person I dislike most is a whole lot more disliked than the lesser dislikee. In other words, it is not a close race in my mind. However, it is still a sad commentary on the state of affairs in American politics that the system as it exists today, forces me to pick between the lesser of two evils. (see some of my previous political rants)

Thinking about this has lead me to try to define exactly what my politics are, since I am clearly not a Republican, and neither can I identify with the Democrats. I have friends who are Libertarians, and I think they are nut-jobs. So what am I, exactly?

I have decided to label myself as a Bleeding-Heart-Moderate-Conservative. BHMC, if you will. Sounds like a carcinogen, or a preservative, or likely both. Here is what being a BHMC means: I am a proponent of governmental assistance against poverty, but also against high corporate taxation. I am green but I feel greenness is best accomplished by private companies being able to develop competing technologies without government assistance. I am anti-abortion, but I don't believe it is correct to legislate morality. On that same note, I am for the traditional definition of family, but I don't think the government should tell two consenting adults what kind of relationships they can and cannot have. I support the death penalty for criminals who have no chance of parole. I am pro gun ownership, but would like to see tighter regulation. I am tired of America being the world police, but I am in favor of us stepping up our humanitarian aid to other countries. I think it should be illegal for politicians to accept money from anyone, period. They should all be paid out of a central pot and be answerable to their constituents only. If anyone wants to make a donation to a politician, they have to donate to the central fund.

Essentially, I don't have a political party. I am too much in the middle. I don't even agree with the Independent party enough to join. So I will have to decide on the lesser of two evils on Nov 4th. It makes me sad. I can just hope that my less-repugnant choice turns out to be only half as lame as our president from the last 8 years.

Something Positive for a Change

2008-09-26T10:02:00.000-07:00

I know it is uncharacteristic of me to put up a post that is not me complaining about the state of the world, but that is exactly what I am doing. I saw something today that I thought was really awesome, and I wanted to put that admiration into words.

I was watching the Today Show, and hearing all about missing babies that may or may not still be alive, about elections and financial crises, and all of the fun stuff of the day. And then, right before I had to take off to work, they ran a color piece on some guy from Sweden (I think) who has invented and built a real-live functioning jet pack which he used today to fly across the English Channel.

He lit his four little jet engines inside a plane flying over France, then dove out of the plane, extended the folded wings strapped to his back, and then flew to England. The only thing he used to steer the plane was his own body.

It wasn't very spectacular or dramatic to watch, just a guy in a white suit strapped beneath a wing. But it was very impressive just the same. I love that this guy even had the idea to try something like this, let alone the tenacity and drive to see it through. It was exploration and achievement for the sake of exploration and achievement, which is always refreshing and uplifting to me.

In a time when people are talking about manned missions to Mars, it seems like a flight across the English Channel has anti-climactic written all over it. But really, this guy is a pioneer, and did something no one has ever done before at tremendous risk to his own life.

It makes me hope for a day when I might be able to strap on my wingpack and fly off to work or wherever, landing on my own two feet, chaining my jet to the waiting bike-rack, and then flying home when I am done. Not a bad thing to imagine at all.

The American Nightmare

2008-09-23T12:04:00.000-07:00

or: At What Price Prosperity?

I apologize right from the start for the content of this rant. I realize that my harping on the economic status of the country is getting old by now. Frankly, I wish I had something else to rant about, but there is nothing more salient than the economy at the moment, and that is really saying something when the leader of the free world is going to be decided in less than two months.

I have been listening to NPR a lot lately. I like their coverage of the economic crisis. They have intelligent and qualified guests on who talk about the topics of interest of the day. Today, they had a panel on the planned Federal bail-out of these large investment banks that is going to cost tax payers trillions of dollars. It was interesting stuff, and caused me to panic just a little. But mostly is caused me to think about something that never ceases to fascinate me about the American People.

We have this style of life that is the envy of the world. At least that is what we tell ourselves. We have this promise, called the American Dream, that anyone who has a little creativity and a lot of dedication can really make something for themselves. We are a nation of home-owners, avidly in love with suburbia. We are consumers of products from dairy to SUVs and everything in between. We have a distinct culture of comfort and ease, as attested by our drive-through everything and our willingness to sacrifice taste and quality for speed and convenience (see: microwaveble pizza).

We have happilly embraced this lifestyle, and are often proud of it. We call ourselves innovative, imagine ourselves to be the people who have it all figured out. This is what fascinates me: if we have it all figured out, how come no one is copying us? Sure, they watch our movies and listen to our music, but the rest of the world is not restructuring its social systems to be more like ours. People are buying American soft drinks, but they are not buying the American Lifestyle.

I think that is because we are not nearly as great as we think we are. Sometimes we are downright pathetic. In our eagerness to have more and more stuff, we place enormous debt burdens upon ourselves, so that we can barely enjoy our lives. How is that superior to the European countries, where the only debts that are common are car payments and rent? They take lavish, four week long vacations to exotic places, and can afford to because they do not, like many Americans, feel the need to buy a lawnmower/tractor/espresso machine on credit. Americans can barely afford to travel to Grandma's for Thanksgiving because we tend to live inches away from complete financial ruin, in the pursuit of having more stuff, bigger houses, nicer cars.

The truth is, we are miserable. We do not have even close to the highest standard of living in the world, and no one wants to be like us. Sure America is a great place to live, but only people in third-world countries see moving to America as a step up. People living in Europe see a move to America as a lateral move, with some advantages but also plenty of losses. I have seen this first hand.

We are not the land of milk and honey. The American dream often rots on the vine, and very many Americans never reach the kind of personal prosperity and happiness as is common in much less powerful European nations. That is not to say that I am disatisfied. I am happy here. I have just also had the chance to see that I would be just as happy in many other places, and that my happiness is not due to American society.

We pay a very high price in terms of human cost for our style of living. Too high a price. In our need for a McMansion and a Family Fortress SUV, we burden ourselves with more debt than we can pay. We allow ourselves to be deluded into thinking we can afford a home that is ridiculously beyond our means, simply because we can afford the payments for the next three years until the rate changes. These things are inherently unhealthy, unsatisfying, and unsafe. Those are hardly the makings of a dream.

30

2008-09-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

This weekend was my birthday. Or rather, Monday was my birthday. Now I am mourning the death of my twenties, and trying to fit being 30 years old in the same mind that still prefers X-Men to the Wall Street Journal. Its weird, having this adult body wrapped around my persistently child-like mind. I still look for animals in clouds and try to find the ends of rainbows. How can I also be 30?

Before I launch into that introspection, I must say that I have a seriously awesome family. A whole bunch of them spent the weekend at our place, turning our DINK household into an instant orphanage, or at least that is what it felt like. Kiddies all over the place, of all ages and sizes. It was so nice to have the house full of activity and sound, and to always have someone to throw into the bean-bag. (Dana only gets mad when I throw her anywhere) Mom, Chandelle, the Three Nieceketeers, Will and Becky with Naomi, and Bob (for about 10 hours) all came and crashed in our place. It was awesome. I was honored that they all took the 10 hour drive over the mountains to celebrate with me. Jesse, Wendy, Crystal, Jed and Jon weren't able to make it, but the all called to give me birthday wishes, anyway.

Yeah, it was pretty sweet. I felt really special and loved. I have a good family, I think. They even stuck it out when some of them started to feel sick, to make sure they could celebrate my 30th with me. That made me feel really good, and a little guilty at the same time.

Now for the introspection: I am actually really happy that I have managed to retain as much of my childishness as I have. If I were given a chance to chose, I definitely would pick childish over adultish. Childhood is the realm of fantasy and innocence, the kingdom of hope and wonder. It is the place that adults lose and forever yearn for. It is the playground of the soul, and the classroom of the imagination. Childhood is the place where dancing for joy is as normal as laughter, and where smiling is contagious. Childhood is where humanity is pure and lovely. Its loss is a universal tragedy.

So yeah, I am very glad that I have retained a healthy sliver of my childishness. If that means I will never feel completely at home in my aging body, I will take that as proof that I still have at least one foot in Never Never Land.

Someone please explain this to me. . .

2008-09-09T21:05:00.000-07:00

So I am a new home owner, and a proud one at that. Even digging around in my back yard and making expensive home improvements, the whole nine yards. Part of that new home ownership is new mortgage ownership, which I am less pround of, but which seems to be unavoidable.

Mortgate is a simple enough deal, right? Borrow a good percentage of a million dollars with the promise you will pay it back with an even larger percentage of a million dollars, and move in to your little slice of the American dream. Fail to pay it off, and your little slice is foreclosed on, and you lose your home and possibly everything else of value you own.

Easy concept, on the surface. But then they throw all sorts of twists into the bargain, like adjustable rates and sub-prime interest. These things are at best, bad business practices designed to dupe people into buying homes they cannot really afford, and at worst are little more than sanctioned corporate fraud.

But the banks in our country did this stuff anyway. Hooray for capitalism! Lets trick hundreds of thousands of people into buying dream homes they can't really afford, then yank the carpet out from under them and make them both bankrupt AND homeless! As long as the banks make money, right?

Wrong, as it turns out. It seems that all of these people who bought homes they could not afford ended up actually not being able to afford the homes. Imagine that. So there was no money for them to pay. All of a sudden the debt that was in the hands of hundreds of thousands of simple American families was transferred back to the banks that issued the fradulent loans. So the banks LOST money on the deal. Seems fair to me, right?

So please explain this to me - why on earth is the United States Government bailing these banks out? The banks made ridiculous, evil, greedy decisions and prayed on the trust and naivete of the populace and got burned for it. So why on earth should the government save them?

How many of the people who defaulted on their loans, who made their own little greedy, piss poor decisions have been bailed out by Uncle Sam? At my last count, that number was 0. So please explain this to me - the government will pay BILLIONS of taxpayer dollars to bail out a bank, but I, a citizen, could not, EVER, expect them to pay 250,000 of those same dollars to bail me out. On what planet does THAT crap make sense?

Oh, and here is the fecal icing on that vomit-cake: the geniouses who tanked the US housing industry and drove Fanny-Mae and Freddy Mac straight into the ground have both been fired. I heard on NPR today that they are both getting severance packages worth millions of dollars. Sounds fair, doesn't it? I mean, if I completely ruined the financial future of my family, and burried us up to our hairlines in debt, I should deserve a payout of at least a few hundred grand, right?

Wrong, once again. All of it is nothing but wrong.

Go Utes and other random stuff

2008-08-30T23:45:00.000-07:00

Between laying retaining wall stones and pounding road-base flat with my Whacker, I took some time to watch the Utes game today. Lets just say, my guys are awesome! I loved watching them hand Michigan a thrashing. True, they only really played in the first half, and then checked out for some reason in the second, but they still held on to win over the winningest program in NCAA history, so that counts for something. I am thrilled that we still live in the mountain west, so we can still see Utah games on TV occasionally.

The other thing I want to talk about is my gripe. Dana and I just watched the movie Untraceable. Its a suspense thriller ala 'Seven', but without the good writing. And that is precisely my gripe. I cannot stand it when an otherwise intelligent movie uses stupid tactics or has people do asinine things to move the plot forward. In this movie, the savvy, super intelligent lead character is hot on the trail of some super-hacker/sociopath when he hijacks her car's computer through her OnStar system. Lights go out, engine kills, the whole nine yards. Mysteriously, the manual door lock is also put out of commission, so she has to break a window to get out.

Alright, up to this point the movie had been good. I actually felt a feeling of suspense. They had me. But then they turned Ms. Savvy von Detectivesky into a complete fool in one move. So she is out of her car making a call on an emergancy phone when suddenly the lights and all come back on in her car. Being the tough cop, she draws her weapon (which I can understand) and then walks back to her car (which, due to the car's vulnerability to electronic hyjinx seems like a very bad idea every way I look at it). She opens the door, the cab lights come on, and our plucky protagonist slides into the seat, looking for all the world like she is going to bo by some milk and bread. SHE DOES NOT CHECK THE BACK SEAT!!!

So, predictably, the bad guy rises up as soon as she puts the car in drive. He tasers her, which is his MO, and then drags her off to do unspeakable things to her, blah blah blah.

It completely ruined the movie for me. That is just lazy writing, right there. How am I supposed to feel compassion and interest in a protagonist who suddenly becomes stupid enough to win herself a Darwin award? Grrr.

Anyway, that is all. Carry On.

The DNC, or as I like to call it. . .

2008-08-27T17:22:00.000-07:00

. . .the Destroy Normal Cities.

So the DNC, or (Democratic National Convention, if you are so inclined) is in town. Denver, that is. It used to be a normal little city, but all of a sudden we have riot police wearing black uniforms and carrying shields all over the place. You can't go to a park anywhere near downtown without seeing a cop somewhere around. We have all sorts of cops right now. Cops on foot, cops on horses, cops with tasers, cops with assault rifles, cops with tear gas grenade launchers, cops standing on cars, and then we still have your run of the mill cops in doughnut shops.

Where do all these police come from? I am sure there are a few towns in the midwest somewhere that are in a complete state of anarchy because their peace-keepers have all come to Denver for the week. The thing that gets me is, no matter how hard I strain my noodle about this, I just can't make sense of it.

Why on earth should a political party get to hijack an otherwise peaceful metropolis just so they can celebrate themselves? How is it justifyable that any group of people should be able to lay claim to millions of dollars of tax-payer money and cause traffic jams and civil unrest just to pat itself on the back? It makes no sense to me.

I am trying to imagine what would happen if all the mormons in America got together for a convention. Would the government give us millions of dollars to help fund our little shin-dig? I doubt it. What if we caused enough civil unrest that people showed up to protest us? Would uncle Sam lend us hundreds of his bravest and finest? More likely they would show up to arrest us for disturbing the peace or inciting a riot. What if we caused major traffic snarls? Would they love us and put us on TV non-stop? More likely they would fine us millions of dollars.

So why are the parties so special? What do they do beyond polarize the nation and maintain their own power? I mean seriously, both parties exist merely to maintain their own existence. They do no real good for anyone. Right now, the Democrats are doing serious harm to Denver.

And why? So Barack can tell the world that he is going to run for President? Umm. . . didn't he already do that? And wouldn't an appearance on the Tonight Show do the job better anyway, with less riot gear? Its bonkers, if you ask me.

And then there is the money issue. Hundreds of millions of dollars are going down the drain for this little bash. I heard it estimated that the dems are going to drop 20 million on alcohol alone while they are here. Are you kidding me? 20 million dollars for our already ineffectual representatives to become even LESS lucid? Are we serious here? Isn't there an orphanage somewhere that needs clothes for the kiddies? Isn't there at least one homeless person in this country who could use a leg up? Do we honestly have nothing better to do with HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS than to throw a party for people, so they can feel good about themselves and spend a week making ABSOLUTELY NO DIFFERENCE OR CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY!!!

OK, my blood pressure is getting dangerously high, so I am signing off. Plus, I have 200 traffic jams and a legion of police to navigate before I get home.

USA! USA! USA!

2008-08-08T11:59:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to mention again that I am jazzed for the Olympics. That is all. Carry on.

Shameless Self-Promotion

2008-08-07T14:06:00.000-07:00

No, that is not what I am going to rant about. Rather, it is what I am about to do.

Not promoting myself, per se, but rather promoting what I do.

This blog is all about adoption. Just because it is an 8 letter word, doesn't mean it is a bad as two 4 letter words put together. Why are people so afraid of it?

Dana and I were watching TV last night, and Dana was jumping between two programs. One of them was the Baby Borrowers: Lessons Learned. It was like After the Catch from Discovery Channel, but without the good editing or wit.

Anyway, Dana has been following this show off and on. The premise is they take a bunch of teenage couples and throw them into parenting situations with babies of different ages, from newborns to teenagers, and even the elderly. The whole idea is that, once they see what raising a kid is like, they will be less likely to have one of their own until they are ready.

My jury is still out about the soundness of the idea, but whatever. The thing that I noticed about this whole program, which centered on the concept of teen pregnancy, was that adoption was mentioned only once, and it came out in the same sentence as abortion. It was like this: "When you found out that you were pregnant, did you ever think of other options, like adoption or abortion?"

Give me a break! Adoption is giving a child the best of all possible worlds. Abortion is giving a child no world at all. How are these two things similar?

Alright, I know I am biased, since I am an adoption worker, but it makes me sick that this whole television program about teen pregnancy did not mention adoption more often. It was like it is a foregone conclusion that a pregnant teenager has to keep her baby, even if it is the very worst thing for her and her child. I will never ever understand that thinking. A teenager who is having sex is being irresponsible. Keeping the child is just one further irresponsible thing.

Many people will not agree with me, and I understand that. Many people think a teenage mother should have to raise her child so that she learns to deal with the consequences of her actions. But isn't putting an entire human life at risk a bit of a hefty price for an object lesson? I think it is.

The reality of adoption is that the young girls and young women who place their children for adoption are being infinitely more responsible and less selfish than the majority of girls who keep their babies. Those who place are using the love they feel for their child to motivate them to give the child the kind of home it deserves, where the child can grow into its ultimate potential. Placing a child for adoption is the single hardest thing that any of the birthmoms I have worked with have ever done. Yet they do it in the best interests of the child. Where is the selfishness in that? The mothers are involved in finding a good, strong family for their baby. Where is the irresponsibility in that?

The world I guess just does not understand adoption. Either that, or most of the world is too selfish to see the world through the eyes of a birth-mom. Once the baby is born, the story is no longer about the mom. Mom can fend for herself. When the baby is born, the story has to be about what is best for the child.

One other argument is that single moms can be great moms. Absolutely. However, before you make that argument against adoption again, ask yourself two questions: If I could go back in time and be raised by a single mother, would I want to? and If I had a child right now, would I ever, ever give it to a 16 year old girl to raise? If you answer no to either of those questions, then you, like me, are probably a bigger fan of adoption than you thought you were.

It took me a while before I truly saw the beauty and power of adoption. Now that I know, I wish the whole world knew. Most of all, I wish that the miracle of adoption would never again be mentioned in the same sentence as the tragedy of abortion.

No, my Blog Template is Not a Statement About My Politics

2008-08-06T15:44:00.001-07:00

. . . but I am going green. Or greenER. Lets call it yellow.

So I was just reading over some of my last posts (vanity, you know) and I realized something - white print on a black background looks cool at first, but after a while it starts messing with your eyes. As I tend to be long-winded (or long-blogged), this really started to bug the crap out of me after one or two entries.

So, this is a thanks to people for putting up with the harsh (albeit awesome-looking) color scheme without complaining. Hopefully the new duds will be easier on the eyes.

And because I feel a lot like ranting today, here's a two-fer. Umm. . . lets pick: Yuppy Greenness.

Its a term I invented myself. 5 seconds ago. Let me explain - no, no, there is too much. Let me sum up: Yuppy Greens are people who like to pretend they are green, but are unwilling to change their lifestyle in significant ways. These are the housewives who drive 20 miles in their Ford Monstrosity, V8, 400 horsepower land-mover, while drinking over-priced imported coffee in a disposable cup, to buy the cute little, popular, curly 'eco-friendly' compact flourescent light bulbs at Wal-Mart, and who then go home and proceed to leave the lights on in every room in the house all night because it helps them feel safe.

Yuppy Greens are the bane of actual greens, who are taking pains to reduce their carbon footprint, shop with cloth shopping bags, separate their own recyclables, and once in a rare while actually go out and enjoy the environment. Yuppy Greens have made eco-conscious behavior a trend. The latest fad, like skinny pants. Their hearts aren't in it, but they like 'seeming' to be green.

The cold hard truth is that Americans don't want to be green. We don't like to ride our bicycles. Bikes are for junior high kids. We don't even like driving scooters or small cars. We like big, powerful things. We don't do terribly well in the planning department, because everything has been 'convenienced' so that we don't have to think ahead. We don't have to bring bags to the store, because the store has bags for us. We don't have to bring refillable mugs, because the store has cups for us. We don't have to use anything durable and reusable, because a disposable one will be provided for us.

Going green in a meaningful way will mean a complete shift in the way we think about our world, most importantly the way we think about our usage of energy. The wastefullness that is stuck in my craw right now has to do with the inefficiency of cars. Cars are horribly wasteful, even hybrids and electric cars. Here is what I mean -

My car weighs 4435 pounds empty. I weigh in at roughly 230, depending on if I am hungry or not. When I am in the car, the whole package weighs 4665. So, when I am driving around, using up .037 gallons per mile, the weight of the vehicle is only 5% me. Only 5 percent! That makes me want to hit Elmo! (OK, so a lot of things make me want to hit Elmo, including Elmo himself, but that is another rant)

So lets do a little math here. Recently I am paying $4 a gallon for gas. Ok, so 5% of that $4 goes to moving me. That works out to be roughly 20 cents a gallon is spent on MYSELF, while $3.80 is spent on MY CAR. I am paying 19 times more to move the thing that should be moving me than I am paying to move myself! That is so backwards!

Sure, the 2 tons of steel keep me safe. That is the usual argument used. Safety. Well, I don't buy it. If all the cars out their weigh, lets say, 400 pounds, like a typical ATV. Well, if I only have less than 1000 pounds of vehicle and driver careening my way, I don't need 2 tons of steel to keep me safe, then, do I? No. I need more along the line of - hey! - 400 pounds of steel!

Its the same phenomenon of two people running into each-other. If they are both going full steam, they will wipe out and scrape their knees or whatever. However, since their bodies are roughly similar in mass, they don't do any terrible damage to one-another. They mostly bounce off each-other since the transfer of energy is so close to even.

Alright, so we should be able to transfer that same concept to vehicles, right? If we all drove light cars, there would be no extra safety concern. Crashes would still be lethal as a function of velocity, but no more than they are right now.

OK, so what I am getting at here is I want a light-weight, stable, elementally protected people mover that does not out-weigh me by more than 2 tons. I would go for one that just outweighed me by 100%. How cool would that be: a car that I would dead-lift. I would be all over that. "Hey honey, could you hold the car up while I change the tire?" That would be sweet!

I know people are working on this exact idea, but I never hear about it unless I go looking for it. I hear all about the Honda Metropolitan, which gets over 100 mpg. But its a scooter, and I can't drive it over 30 mph. I want a stable, climate controlled vehicle that has four wheels and is not a death-trap at high speeds. Most of all, I want to pay to move myself around, not pay to move my self-mover around.

Olympics and Other Strenuous Nonsense

2008-08-06T13:14:00.001-07:00

OK, so the Olympics are coming up. I am very excited. I was a volunteer at the 2002 winter olympics, and it kinda got in my blood. Plus, America wins the medal count every time, so I have good reason to be optimistic.

The fact that the Olympics, or the 'Limpics' as I call them (Sometimes just 'Limpees' for short) are in China this go-round just makes things that much more interesting. By interesting I mean rant-worthy.

Cut to the rant: I am somewhat more familliar with the vagaries of communism than your average American. I happen to be married to a recovering communist. Due to this familiarity, I have come to learn that a communist government is a system that exists virtually exclusively to perpetuate itself, at the cost of its own people. Now, as I re-read what I just wrote, I realise that this could basically describe any political system, but communism perpetuates itself at an especially high cost to the prosperity and liberties of its people, and then keeps its people from complaining about the cost. In my book, a system that disallows dissidence is a weak system. The ability to abide dissent is proof of an internally strong, justified government.

What does this have to do with the Limpees? Well, China is trying to play its whole Two Systems foolery to the full-out extent. They invite the whole world to come and play, then they get angry when the world wants to play according to its own rules. You can't seriously invite American atheletes into China and expect them to stop thinking like Americans, can you?

Obviously, that is precisely what China is doing. Check out just this one story, for example: http://www.usatoday.com/sports/olympics/beijing/2008-08-06-cheek-visa-revoked_N.htm

For those of you too hurried or lazy to read the article, the gyst is this: Joey Cheek, a winter olympian, was going to go to China to support his warmer-climate-cohorts, but the Chinese denied him a visa. Why? Because he is a cofounder of the ideological group Team Darfur, which is a group of 100+ olympians who have declared their support for Darfur and, by extension, their opposition to the Sudanese government. Well, China doesn't like this, since they are buddy-buddy with Sudan (that's were they get their oil. Why does everyone go stupid for oil? Oil is the devil's blood, me thinks). So the Chinese government turns around and denies Joey a visa to even enter their country. Give me a break. If they would have just let him in he would not have made such a stink and would have likely gone mostly un-noticed, but now he is showing up in major publications, such as this blog and USA Today.

Anyway, I love what the US Olympic team turned around and did on the same day as Joey was denied his visa. They named Lopez Lomong the banner carrier, who himself is a Darfur refugee! Take THAT communist censorship! There is no way the Chinese would risk the embarassment (then again, they might. . .) of shipping our FLAG BEARER home, so this man, this living, breathing proof of the attrocities going on in Darfur, is going to be on billions of televisions as he walks beneath the Stars and Stripes in opening and closing ceremonies. I am laughing myself to the hiccups over here! I love poetic justice like this. Nowhere like the Olympics do countries get such an open stage to express themselves. It is completely sweet that China is not getting its way in trying to make this a non-issue. Bravo to the US Olympic team for picking a man who represents so well what America is (or should be) about - a place where people are free to pursue their dreams regardless of their background, and where they can speak their minds without fear of reprisals.

I predicted months ago that the Chinese Olympics would be fraught with protests, especially people protesting Chinese foreign policies like the annexation of Tibet and the friendly relationship with Sudan. With all of the world tuning in, how could the strong passions of so many people possibly NOT be expressed. I hope everything goes peacefully and that the games are a success, but I also hope they are a failure. I hope they are a failure for Communist China's attempt to invite the world to honor them, but in turn to dishonor the world by disallowing the world's oppinions.

Sorry, China. You can't have your cake and eat it, too.

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh S***!

2008-07-31T14:35:00.000-07:00

OK, so I know you must have seen this video. Also all over the place. I actually really like it, and I was touched by it. Not like I cried or anything. . . that was just alergies.

Its a good video, no? Touching and all of that. Good tear-jerker stuff for shows like The View and The Today Show.

Well, this video has got me thinking. You know that somewhere in the vast expanses of human stupidity, somebody is watching that video and thinking to themselves: Yeah! I think I should get a wild predatory animal and raise it, too! Then I could be a YouTube all-star!

Yeah, umm: no. I predict that in 5 years we are going to be seeing a whole new set of YouTube videos with titles like: Grizzly Bear Loves Previous Owners. . . To Death. or maybe: Pets Gone Wild: Cougar Maims Couple.

I am sorry to be so pessimistic, but that is just the way people are. Someone is going to see this video, remember a childhood dream they had of owning their very own Bengal Tiger, and they are going to go on the black market and buy one. After a few years of fun, the cute fuzzy tiger will start eating neighborhood dogs, and they will have to release it to the wild. Then, remembering Christian the Friendly Lion, they are going to head back to the wilds of Burma, and trek through the jungle for a few days trying to find their long-lost friend. When they finally find him, they are going to just stand there while he approaches, maybe slap their thighs and say "come here, boy!" or something else in baby-talk, until the tiger gets right up to them, gives them a look that is a mix of expressions between "are you nuts" and "I wonder if you taste like chicken" then takes a lazy swat at them, killing them instantly, then carrying them off to a tree to be eaten as a midnight snack.

I mean seriously folks, these are WILD animals. You never know what a big cat is going to do. You never even know what a siamese cat is going to do, for that matter. Don't we remember Siegfried and Roy? That tiger just got excited and almost killed the only master it had ever known, and had never hunted a day in its life.

I think these two guys are very lucky. Lucky to have had such a wonderful experience raising a lion cub, but most of all, lucky to be alive after finding Christian again.

I think I will stick to dogs. And rabbits.

Back from the Dead

2008-07-20T15:49:00.000-07:00

So here I am again, brought back from blogger death by the only two things that could have resurrected me: an actual request from an actual reader, and the fact that I have something I am proud to post.

Second things first: you have probably seen this already, since it is everywhere right now, but just in case you have not, take a look at the new Jib Jab video:

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

I laughed my can off! The only thing that even gets close to the farcical nature of the presidential election is a farcical video. This one is a keeper. Loved it.

Here is something else I love, I have become a devoted fan:

I think this guy is a genius, not to mention the funniest man on the internet. I have not yet seen an episode that I could only watch once. Too funny.

OK, down to the gripe. Global Warming, please get out of the way of other problems we can change, if you don't mind.

Alright, some people are going to think I want the environment to die, or that I hate living things. Not at all. I happen to be a living thing. I don't dislike the environment at all (unless we are talking about the social environment of waiting in line for the bathroom at a major sports stadium). My problem is that Global Warming is hogging up nearly the whole political stage right now. This bothers me to no end. Why, do you ask? Alright, I'll tell you.

WE CAN'T DO A SINGLE THING ABOUT IT!! Of course we can all reduce our carbon footprints, use less fossil fuels, recycle more, eat more spinach, and give more hugs. Sure. But what we cannot do is remove the carbon we have already emitted. It is not the carbon of the future that is causing the problems of today. It is the carbon already in the air. In other words, if (big IF) global warming is a reality, then all we can do is try to reduce our future carbon output, and hold on for dear life while the repercussions of our past carbon output work their mischief in the atmosphere, bringing acid rain, rising ocean temperatures, shrinking ice caps and a new career for Al Gore.

We have no way of removing the emissions from the past from the atmosphere, and it seems to me that a lot is being done to explore alternative energy sources. So, aren't we doing exactly what we should be doing? Does it help anyone at all if the world pees its pants over something that has been in the process of building for 15o years? I can't see that it does.

Rather, I think global warming mania is a safe and popular topic for politicians to obscure the real problems of society that they could (and should) have addressed years ago. Social security? Bankrupt. Health Care? A luxury. Economy? Shot to crap. Security? Anyone's guess. Housing market? Abysmal. These are the things that politicians can fix, but as long as global warming hogs the spotlight, the suits on capital hill aren't feeling as much pressure to fix the societal ills they were hired to fix in the first place.

What a sham! No wonder Republicans and Democrats, who can't even agree on the direction of up, both got on the band-wagon on this one. It keeps them both from having to actually come up with solutions to the problems that lie in their control. Instead, they just chant the Global Warming chant, pretend that ANYONE has a viable solution to this, and get away with driving the country into the ground and not doing anything to fix it. As long as they say the pretty global warming magic words, people are duped into thinking the politicos are actually doing something to help us.

Well I don't buy it. I don't buy the whole global warming premise in the first place. Humans just aren't that powerful. Two volcanic eruptions from the last decade put out more methane and carbonic compounds by mass into the atmosphere than all of humanity's pollution from all time, including the cooking fires of the cave men. Plus, methane has 4 times the green-house gas effect of carbon monoxide or carbon dioxide. No body talks about this crap, because it is heresy to the Church of Global Warming. In fact, I just read a study in Discover Magazine that states that the cattle in the world produce roughly as much methane gas as the cars in the world produce carbonic compounds. Hard to believe, but there are a lot of cows in the lonely places of the globe. So think of that - the cows produce as much methane as the cars produce CO2, and methane has 4 times the greenhouse effect as CO2. Doesn't that make cows to blame for the problem? Doesn't that make cows 4 times more detrimental to the environment than people?

I dunno what the solution is, but I know one thing - the first step to a solution is killing a whole bunch of those bovines. Steak, anyone?

Stupor Tuesday

2008-02-05T17:18:00.000-08:00

The American political system is screwed up. Completely mental. Particularly the circus that is the Primary Election and especially today, which I call Stupor Tuesday. There are a few points about the American presidential election that have been especially annoying lately. Here they are:

1 - The fact that we have primary elections in the first place.

2- The incessant and tainted polling system that surrounds all of our elections.

3- The over-estimation of Presidential power

4- Political Parties and false division.

Lets look at these points. I won't get into too much detail, since I am sure I could write a volume on each point, but I just want to explain why I am bothered so much by each of these individual things.

#1 - Why on earth do we need multiple pre-elections before an election? Personally, I think the whole idea is insulting. It is almost as if the establishment believes the American people are incapable of choosing between 3 or 4 people, so the political parties (in their magnanimity and selflessness) whittle down the choices to just two options. Heaven knows the choice between A or B is enormously simpler than the choice between A or B or C or D. Nobody in the general population can be trusted to be smart enough to pick a president from more than 2 choices!

Give me a break. If I went to a restaurant and the waiter told me to chose one side of the menu, I would laugh at him. If he then told me to narrow down my choices to just one dish from either side, I would likely get up and leave. If, however, the cooks got together and chose just two entrees to offer me, I would never have gone to that restaurant in the first place. That is precisely what the primary elections do. I think it is messed up. I am completely capable (as are almost all people) of looking at a menu and deciding what I want from a multiplicity of choices. I am also capable of looking at a multiplicity of candidates from all across the spectrum and choosing the one that I want. I do not need my options to be reduced to A or B. Often, the candidate that I like the most does not even win the primary, so I end up having to chose between 2 people I dislike equally, as in the election between George W. and Al Gore (or the Loser and the Snoozer, as I liked to call them). In that election I threw my vote away. I wrote Mickey Mouse on the ballot and voted for him. I had to, because the candidates I was actually excited about did not make it through the primary elections. That is fundamentally messed up, and we deserve better as a people.

#2 Polls of any kind dealing with election results should be completely illegal. My apologies to Dan Jones and other pollsters, but I think you are damaging our democracy. Of course, inquiring minds want to know how an election is running over the course of a day. I get that. People are curious. However, that is not the only role that polls have. Over a race as protracted and complicated as a presidential campaign, public opinion changes over time. Polls that come out claim to merely reflect those changes, but in reality they influence opinion as much as they report it. I spoke once with Dan Jones himself (I took a Poly Sci class from him, and even worked for him for over a year) and he told me that he was concerned about that effect so much, that he once considered closing shop because of it. He was seriously concerned that he was influencing elections by telling people what the results were likely to be before the election was over.

When you are watching poll results, you have an interest in the election. If you have not yet voted (and maybe would not have voted) and you see that your candidate is performing poorly, you are more likely to rush out and vote. That is one scenario. The other, more damaging one, is when you are completely in love with the policies and personality of a candidate, but that person is performing miserably in the polls. Because you think that person has no chance to win, you give your vote to someone else. However, if there were no polls, you would not have changed your vote. Repeat that process millions of times, and elections can end drastically differently. They would reflect what people actually wanted, rather than our human tendency to cheer for the winning team.

#3 The President writes no laws, votes on no laws, funds no laws, defends no laws, and amends no laws. The office has much power, and is in charge of the military, sure. However, the President can have all the policy wishes in the world he wants, and still not get anything done if Congress opposes him. Remember Bill Clinton? How many of his more liberal ideas were quashed by a conservative Congress? It happens all the time. Why then, when the President can only affect change with the cooperation of more than 300 individuals, do we care so much about Presidential policy stances? I think the only reason candidates evoke their policies is to draw a line in the sand, so that people can know where they stand, and what makes them different. I wish they would just say that, rather than making grand claims about what they will change when they get into office. Maybe this is a little thing, but I would much prefer a candidate who says "I think that global warming is a problem" over one that says "If elected, I will stop greenhouse emissions by 2008" because the first is an honest statement of belief, and the second is a vain promise that is nearly impossible to keep in the best of circumstances.

#4 I hate political parties. I think George Washington was right to oppose them at the very beginning, and I oppose them still today. We do not need them. They falsely divide the country between right and left, when most of us are somewhere in the middle. The parties exist for one thing only: gain power and keep power. They have no other motive. In order to keep power, they have to be enemies. If the parties were to merge, there would be no party at all, and people would vote for individuals based on merit. The parties don't want that. They want people to pick a side and stay loyal to that side, so that the sides stay strong. They are like superpowers: they are only defined by their enemy, and only required because the other exists.

America is not really that divided. We are a fairly homogenous people when it comes to politics. We all like free speech, and pretty much are fond of our constitution. We like the free economy and the American dream. We like our cars, our unique style of living, and we like being Americans. You will not see a politician in America arguing for something that is blatantly un-American, such as abolishing the 1st amendment or taxation without representation. At least, that politician would never be taken seriously except for by radical whack-jobs. Instead, the parties draw lines down things that are less crucial, and more divisive, like abortion or same-sex-marriage. Either way that debate goes, America is still America. The parties only want us to feel like we have to pick a side. They want us to feel like something crucial is at stake if the other guys win. What a crock of crap. Even if the other guys win, in 10 years the power will shift back, and the dance will continue. Its a complete con. I think political parties should be unconstitutional. I think persons running for office should all share funding from a communal pool, along with whatever funds they are capable of raising themselves. I think that each election should be a contest of ideas vs. ideas, and not donkeys vs. elephants. We don't need the parties. They need us. I say we should toss them and never let them come back. That way, we might some day see a President who appeals to the largest majority in the country: the moderates. What a day that would be, when the President could be both conservative about family values, but Liberal about health care.

Tribute

2008-01-28T10:31:00.000-08:00

Heaven just got a little richer at the expense of mortality. We lost President Hinckley last night. What an enormous loss.

When Dana told me the news, I was not shocked, but was certainly sad. His health has been failing, and the cubicles of Church employees have been buzzing with whispers about him for the last few weeks. He was, after all, 97 years old. Many have said that he was simply not the same since his wife died.

What I loved most about President Hinckley was his humanity. He laughed at himself. He told us to be less rigid and more understanding. He was inclusive, forgiving, tollerant and kind. He told us to stand up for what we believe in, but also to make room for others to stand up as well. He lead the Church I love to greater things than anyone would have dared dream. He was a great man, a spiritual giant, and a true Prophet of God.

I am sorry for the rest of us, but I am happy for him. If ever a soul deserved Heaven, it was him. He spent his entire life in service to others. At an age when most men are sitting in retirement homes watching television, he was traveling the world, building up the church, and lifting hearts and inspiring millions of people. He never slowed down, and worked until 2 days before his death. That kind of dedication is marvelous no matter what the cause, and that kind of dedication to God is especially beautiful.

I love that he was a simple man. Smart but not arrogant, witty but not mean, firm but not harsh. He was such a great leader. He inspired me to live a better life every time I heard him speak. He made me want to be my best self. He showed me the way. He helped me stay close to God. In short, he was a prophet.

I will miss hearing him at General Conference. I will miss his short direct sentences and his little jokes at his own expense. I will miss his clear guidance. I will miss his full lower lip and his non-existant upper one, as they form the words of the Gospel and testify of Christ. I will miss his moving testimony, and his obvious love for the saints. I will miss him.

Heaven is a richer place today for having Gordon B. Hinckley return there. In his quiet, dutiful and unassuming way, he was a hero. He always will be.

God be with you 'til we meet again.

A Bit About Compasses

2008-01-11T14:39:00.000-08:00

I tried to resist for a while, but then when an opportunity presented itself, I gave in and went to watch The Golden Compass. I had heard so much rumbling about this alleged atheist film, written by a man who -gasp!- creates a world where God dies. (Heck I dunno. . .Nietzsche anyone? Why is this a big deal every time someone writes it?) I heard the books were written as an answer to C.S. Lewis' masterful and delightful Chronicles of Narnia series, which are a thinly veiled allegory of Christianity.

I have no beef with anyone writing a book about atheism. I have no problem with them writing a book about atheism as a tit-for-tat to another book about Christianity. Similar things have been done in both directions, like the Invictus poem, which was then countered by a Christian version which I think was called "Pilot of My Soul" or something like that.

Suffice it to say, I find no earth-shattering threat in such a book. I don't even find a china shattering threat. However, I am also somewhat selective of which ideas are supported by my money, and I am not exactly thrilled to financially empower an idea with which I do not agree. This film and book are precisely such an idea.

I got around this scruple by getting free tickets to the theater. Problem solved, and I could settle my curiosity about this thing without funding it at the same time. The movie I payed for was I am Legend. -Fan.Friggin.Tastic- but that is a post for another time maybe.

Golden Compass looks really good in the previews. I guess that is what previews are for. Unfortunately however, the previews were much better than the movie itself. This movie fell flat on its mildly intelligent face almost from the very beginning. I have not read the books, so I cannot speak for them, but the movie was insipid and uninspired. There were a few parts that were decent. I like the idea of having your soul be an animal that accompanies you everywhere you go. You would never be lonely, then. I also like the idea of the talking polar bears who wear armor. The bears had a really cool fight scene (it was. . .erm. . .jaw-dropping, you might say). But that is where the praise has to end, more is the pity.

The cadence of the film was incredibly rushed. We were launched into this story about some little girl who can read compasses before we even know enough about her to care about her, and that is the pace of the whole show. The character development is non-existent. The plot is also loose and vague. For unexplained reasons, only this little girl can read this magic compass that tells only the truth (which poses some major philosophical questions about situations when there are more than one truth, but I digress). The fact that she can know is somehow a threat to the big, bad church. Why that is a threat is also unexplained, except it has something to do with a substance called Dust, which is also unexplained, but which you could imagine as a sort of life-force.

The big, bad church is kidnapping kids. They want to separate the kiddies from their animal-souls. Why? Wish I could tell you. Also unexplained. Another unexplained point is why little-miss-compass-queen feels she is up to the task of saving said kiddies from their prison in the frozen North. She makes a promise to rescue her little buddy, but she herself is an orphan with 0 resources to mount an escape. Not letting that stop her, she tries anyway.

The part of the movie that bothers me the most is the air-cowboy. Some people call him Maurice (wee-whew). Little-compass-queen lands in this rough-neck northern town where she knows literally no one. She has a random conversation lasting maybe 20 sentences with this old cowboy, and somehow in that time earns the man's undying devotion. Why? Also unexplained. The only even slightly nice or impressive thing the compass has done to this point is told the little girl where the bear's armor is. She tells the bear (who is an alcoholic outcast in the town) where the armor is, and then he, too seems to owe her his life.

It is all too convenient, all too contrived. Even for an allegory. There were brief glimpses of a possible sub-text. There were some obvious corollaries between things in the story and real-world groups or ideas, however these corollaries were so strained and comical as to lose their potential power. A church that wants to tear the souls away from children to make them more teachable? Please. How about a church who consumes the souls of children to give them power or something. Much better.

The only thing I really liked about this movie was Nicole Kidman's character. This role was so effortless, I think it was not really acting, but just her being herself. You see, I have this suspicion that she is really a horrendous beast of a woman, who happens to look fantastic.

In the end, I left the movie feeling two things: disappointed that the ideas behind the movie were too weak to have any power in movie form, and thankful to C.S. Lewis for writing the Chronicles of Narnia with such clarity and power. One ironic thing I saw: the preview for the next Narnia movie played before the movie started. Sweet.

A Bit on Politics

2008-01-04T07:53:00.000-08:00

I intentionally avoided watching the Iowa caucus results yesterday, but I could not avoid hearing about them this morning. Truth be told, I am pleased with the surprising results. Hilary in 3rd place makes me happy. I was starting to feel like an outsider for finding her untrustworthy, unappealing, and utterly undesirable as President. What could she possibly hope to bring to the table? She can't even control her own house-hold, or her husband. How could she possibly hope to control the entire country?

I was thrilled that Obama did so well. His policies may not be completely what I am looking for, but then again, I have never been sure why people care so much about the empty promises presidential candidates make. Nothing a president wants to get done can happen without Congress and the Senate. The president writes no bills, and can't even go to war for two months without congress approving it. I hear all these big promises the candidates are making (like getting rid of the IRS. What a joke) and I ask myself: with what congress? Which senators are you going to kill off so that you can fill their seats with your puppets? In the end, it is all so much hot air. Politics in America is too complicated for any one person, even the President, to create change on their own.

What I like about Obama is his charisma. He is young, he is intelligent, he is well spoken. I would be proud to call him my President, and I think he is a person the world would respect. After having a mediocre bumpkin rancher in the Oval Office for 8 years, lord knows we need someone respectable in the office. At least someone who has a mastery of the English language. I can't tell you how often I have felt embarassed by Dubbya when I have been traveling abroad, especially in Europe. The Europeans have a history of not liking American politics much, but they have generally respected our President. They completely respected Clinton and Reagan, for example. Dubbya, however, they revile. He is an international laughing-stock and a liability for the country.

So hurray for Obama. I hope he pulls it off, and gets the Democratic nomination. At least he will present me with an attractive option.

I hope my other option is Mitt Romney. I really like the guy. I have met him. One of the smartest, most well-spoken, talented leaders I have ever seen. I worked as a volunteer for the Olympics in 2002, and he single-handedly turned that fiasco into one of the best olympics in modern history. He is also a man I would be proud to have as president. Again, people fault him for changing his official stance on abortion and gay rights, but he will not, as President, be able to change any of those things himself. Those changes are up to the senate and the Supreme Court. Even if the President appoints 5 new justices to the court in his term, those justices still are the ones who will decide the legality of abortion, not the president.

I was sad to see that Mitt got 10,000 less votes in Iowa. I hope that he has something else up his sleeve, since Huckabee threatens to just be more of the same in the Bush ilk. I read that his main supporters are gun clubs, home-school families, and Christian fundamentalists. In other words, the extreem right. The same people who refuse to allow Romney to be a Christian even though he ends his prayers with the words: in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. These are not the people I want chosing my next president. I don't want fundamental anything chosing my president. I want main-stream, popular America chosing my president. I want a president who can and will appeal to both sides of the nation.

We will see what New Hampshire brings. I hope Romney can rally more voters, and I also hope that Huckabee will be shown to be the light-weight dreamer that he seems to be. If all politicians are full of hot-air, then Huckabee could be the Re/Max balloon.

OK, I am gonna calm down, and get back into my own work-a-day life. No matter who wins the election, America will still be the best place on earth to live, still have the best people, still be my home. I just hope I won't have to be embarassed about my president for another 4 years.

2007

2007-12-27T07:53:00.000-08:00

This has been a banner year for me, in many ways. I took my last school class EVER in 2007, as well as my last test EVER. (unless I decide to get my PhD, but I digress) I graduated from the U with my masters, and even passed the Clinical Social Worker exam. I got a great job with LDS Family Services, moved out of my student appartment, and bought a new car. This is the first year where I have been in Germany twice in a year (but I was there only for the first 3 days of 2007, and then went back in December, so it almost doesn't really count as being twice in a year)

I feel really blessed right now. I have an amazing and wonderful wife who loves me, I have a great family, four of the cutest neices anyone could ask for, I am healthy, and I live in a wonderful country. I have a great job working with good people, and I get to talk for a living.

Yeah, all in all, 2007 has been a good year for me. Dana is going to write a Year in Review letter, which is something she does every year around New Years, so I won't duplicate that work, but I just wanted to throw it out into the ether that I am thankful and feeling very blessed.

Of course, that is not to say my year has been perfect. Plenty of stuff to gripe about, but now is not the time. I will get to that in 2008.

For now, I would also like to mention some of the things I am looking forward to in 2008:
-August 8th.
-A new president (please, I don't care who it is, just get rid of the Bushies)
-A new place to live, in some new part of the country, with. . .
-A new house, which will be a huge first for me
-September 15th (I turn 30)
-The Olympics in China (I may be off my rocker here, but I think there is gonna be some kind of revolution in China during the olympics, when the international press is there already, and the actions of the government cannot be hidden by the state-controlled media. Hopefully nothing happens, but if I were a discontent Chinese laborer. . .)

So there it is, my last post of the year. I think I will close with some one-liners from Demetri Martin.

-Digital cameras are great, because they allow us to reminisce immediately.

-I remember when I was really into nostalgia.

-When you are a battery, you are either working, or you are dead. That is a crap life.

-When they named the animals, they must have started at the end of the alphabet. By the time they got to Ant-eater, they were just out of creative ideas.

Love at First Sight

2007-12-03T11:43:00.001-08:00

There is a new love in my life, and I have only seen pictures of her. She is exotic, sexy, smart, and beautiful. She has everything I am looking for and more. She has a British body, but that doesn't bother me, since she has German brains. Who is she?

The Tesla Roadster

Seriously, this car has everything I am looking for in a vehicle. 0-60 in 4 seconds, 130+ mph top speed, Lotus designed body and chassis, looks to spare, and then (to top it all off) 0 emissions, and the equivalent of 135 miles per gallon. That's right: One-Hundred-and-Thirty-Five-Miles-per-friggin'-Gallon.

Those who know me also know that alternate fuel vehicles are sort of a passion of mine. I was in love with the hydrogen economy for a long time, but the blume is off the rose now, since that whole idea seems to be perpetually stuck at 20 years away from whenever now is. Electric cars, however, are coming of age, and the Tesla Roadster is poised to (hopefully) give the oil junkies a run for their money.

The car has more linear torque than just about anything else on the road. This is just endemic of electric motors: plenty of torque. In otherwords, floor it at 60, and you can no longer reach the stereo. Floor it at 100, and you will have to wait till 135 to open the glove box. This car is also quite stunning, and according to all reports handles as well as any other top sports car.

The price tag is prohibitive for middle-classers such as myself. $100,000. However, I am still excited about what the Tesla means for folks like me: in five years, an "economic" version will come out. A family car, something like a sedan, based on the same technology. Sure, it will likely be more expensive, but the car moves down the road for the jaw-dropping rate of $0.02 a mile. That is right. Two cents per mile. I don't care how much the sticker price is, that kind of efficiency is killer.

Another great thing is the idea of no more gas stations. Drive home, plug the car in, and forget about it. Unplug it in the morning and drive to work, to the mountains, to wherever, and then plug it back in again. The real beauty here is this: you could power your car off of clean electricity. If your house is solar powered, so is your rocket sports car. That has me all aflutter.

My plea to Tesla is this: roll out the non-high end edition as soon as possible. I will be among the first in line. I would gladly pay $400 a month for a car like that, seeing as how I would be paying $0 a month on gas. Right now I drive a Jeep Patriot that gets 25 mpg, and I pay $350 a month for the lease, gas up twice a month for $40. Making my Jeep cost me $430 a month all told. So even if the more modest descendent of the Roadster costs in the 40,000 range, I will still save money on it while feeling better about myself at the same time.

Spiritual High

2007-11-27T07:15:00.000-08:00

Something really fantastic happened to me over the last week, and no, it was NOT the Marie Calendar's Thanksgiving dinner I had. (blech)
No, what happened was I regained contact with one of my old converts from Germany. She found me through Facebook, which I just recently joined, and she just happened to be searching through some of the groups I am a member of, and saw my picture staring out at her. She dropped me a line, and we have been writing ever since.

So the story behind this particular girl is this: she was the perfect investigator. She was curious, active, thoughtful, sincere, intelligent, and fun to teach. In Germany, or all European countries for that matter, such a person is about as rare as a 4 dollar bill. She was one of a kind, and teaching her was easily one of the high points of my mission.

Well, it turns out that in the 8 years since her baptism she has served a mission in Russia, and her mother has also joined the church. Who knows how many lives she has touched or how many people she has helped come closer to God. I feel so humbled and blessed that I was able to be even a small part of that story.

I always hoped that someday I would hear that my work on my mission was bearing great fruits, or that the child of someone I converted went on a mission or something. I never dreamed that I would be hearing those stories so soon.

For me it is just one more testimony of missionary work. My mission never ceases to be a source of joy and pride for me. When I think of all the wonderful things that have happened to me as a direct result of serving for those two years (including my wonderful wife Dana), it is clear that I have been blessed by my service as much or more than the people I actually served. I think that is the way God intended it to be.

Random Ramble

2007-11-09T10:47:00.000-08:00

Long time, no blog. I would say sorry about that, but so far I know of exactly one person who reads these words (Hi, Will!) and saying sorry would basically apply to myself, and I would not be sure what I was appologizing for: for not writing, for not giving myself something to read, or for neglecting something I started with good intentions of maintaining. Long story short: no sorry. Deal with it.

Today I am in a happy, almost silly mood. May have something to do with the excess of sugary food that seems to spawn in the office, and then mysteriously makes its way into my stomach. Wherever the mood came from, I am enjoying it. Rather like people in the early spring stop to enjoy the feeling of the sunshine on their shoulders. It makes them happy. However, Sunshine in your eyes can make you cry, but that is not an emotional thing. That is like: pepper in my nose makes me sneeze type thing. Anyway, this mood is a good one, and I am feeling like there is nothing in the world that could really bother me right now. (OK, Michael Jackson always bothers me, as does Ann Coulter and Martha Stewart and Dr. Laura among others, but they bother me in a distant way, like knowing it is going to snow in three days when I want to go camping. Not in the ruin-my-mood type of bother. But I digress.)

All this happiness has got me thinking: people should send out notices when they have good moods, so as to get the most usage out of the mood. For instance, I should call all my clients who bug me today and talk to them, because today they would not get me down. I can call my great clients when I am back to normal, and use today to deal with the pains in my posterior.

People in general should do this. Wait until you feel really great to do something that bugs you. And why not? Because it would ruin your mood? Would it not be worse to wait until you were really pissed off to do something that bugs you? You are then even more pissed off. What we are talking about is regression to the mean. Just makes sense to me.

So I am off: calling my pesky clients now. I will return and report.

Online Debates are Fun

2007-10-16T10:41:00.001-07:00

Recently I have been using my lunch breaks to engage in a lively theological debate on an online forum. It has been a lot of fun to see people passionately defending their beliefs in a non-violent way.

What I have discovered is this: I am really very proud to be Mormon. Tremendously proud, actually. As I have listened to people explain their beliefs about God, all I can think to myself is "Man, I am glad that I don't have to believe that about God."

For instance, there are people who believe that God 'picks' his chosen people, and that those people are pretty much destined to be saved, no matter what they do. These people tend to be good people because they are destined to be good people, and not because they choose to. Well, I have a lot of problems with this line of thinking, but if you want to read my entries, which get rather long, you can find the discussion under this link (but it might be a private discussion, in which case you will have to join Facebook.

I am so happy to be a member of a faith that helps me to see God as fair, loving and considerate. As a father who is concerned not only with our happiness, but with our growth and our potential as well. A father who wants his kids to grow up to be the very best and most they can be, instead of wanting us to grow up to become just a horde of adoring angels.

I love the church. I know that it is true. I am thankful to my Father in Heaven for personally answering my questions about the church, for helping me with my confusions, and for guiding us all through our trials. I am grateful for modern prophets who do not attempt to predict the future, but rather do the much more difficult task of guiding the present.

God is great. Mormonism rocks.

Just a Gripe

2007-10-10T07:55:00.000-07:00

Gripe 'O the Day: People who do not think about the words they say/write. This is one of my permanent pet peeves, and I bumped into it today. I was reading a classified ad, and the person posting the ad said, literally "A cool new website pacifically made for dog and puppy owners!" Pacifically? As in related to or resembling the Pacific ocean? I can only assume she means specifically but there is no way to be sure. Then again, the site could have been made by the Pacific ocean itself, in which case her statement is completely correct, but somehow I question the likelihood of that scenario.

I am not suggesting that everyone who speaks English be an expert at the language. I just want people to start thinking before they talk/write. If you say something, make sure it makes sense! For instance, the statement "I could care less" said in the context of 'I don't care' DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!!!! If you do not care, then you could NOT care less. Saying "I could care less" implies that you do, in fact, care. This is a basic logical mistake that countless hordes of people make all the time. Why? Because they do not think about what they are saying.

Another one of these that bugs me is when people use the phrase 'never the less' in the wrong context, like this: 'John wanted coffee. Never the less, he got some on his way to work.' Incorrect. Nevertheless is used correctly only when indicating overcoming or disregarding resistance, such as 'John wanted coffee, but there was a dragon in the coffee shop. Nevertheless, John walked in to get his coffee anyway, and was roasted like a Luau Pig.' See the difference?

One that I run into frequently is the misuse of 'in spite of.' The definition of spite is action done specifically to harm or annoy/inconvenience another person. The meaning has changed to also mean against the wishes of another person. However, saying something like 'In spite of the weather, we had a picknic anyway' does not make sense to me. Really? The weather? We are spiting the weather, which has no will, no self, no real identity? Is that even possible? Doesn't compute in my mind.

There are tons of these mistakes, and I could go on forever about them. It is when I come across one like 'pacifically' that I fear our educational system is creating testers aplenty, but not so many thinkers. In my field we call it metacognition. The ability to think about your own thoughts and actions in a somewhat objective way. It is a sign of maturity and intelligence. There was once a time when our ability to self-edit was highly esteemed. It seems that esteem is falling away. More pacifically, people just don't seem to care about being logical when they speak. And why should we be, when we can text things like 'c u l8r' or 'myob, lol' and get a point across?

Say Hello to Duke

2007-10-04T12:06:00.000-07:00

The newest addition to the Roberts' family is Duke, our new Jeep Patriot. It took us a long time to figure out what kind of car we wanted, and we looked at just about every different kind of car you can imagine, but we finally found one that had what we were looking for: 4X4, roomy, good warranty, good MPG, decent power, and some storage room. The Jeep has all those things.

We (I) named him Duke after the G.I. Joe commando, which I thought was fitting for a Jeep. The Patriot is not quite so sleek and myserious as Snake-Eyes, nor as butch and brainless as Sgt. Slaughter, so Duke seemed a good middle-ground fit.

So now Sweets (our Honda Accord) has a boyfriend. Once we can park them both in a garage together, we are hoping for a little harvest of 4X4 Honda ATVs.

Siiiick

2007-10-01T10:11:00.000-07:00

I am sick. It is a funny kind of sick, too. I can tell you precisely when I got sick, and what I was doing. A flash-bulb kind of sick.

I was playing World of Warcraft around 10:30 at night. One swallow: fine. Next swallow: scratchy. Third swallow: belt-sander-in-my-neck. My reaction: What is going on here? My neck stiffened up, my knees and thighs started aching, and I got an instantaneous headache. I stood up, shuffled in to where my wife was watching TV, and said to her, in a little pathetic voice: 'I just got sick. I am going to bed.'

Well, that was the beginning of what is now a 5 day bout of some kind of flu/cold/infection/nastiness. The symptoms keep changing. Sore throat went away to make room for annoying cough. Cough vacated for post-nasal drip. Drip faded away and was upstaged by phlegmy cough, which has stayed on, but is now accompanied by runny nose and shakiness.

Pretty much everyone in the office is sick, and I have not been able to force myself into seclusion, so I have likely made everyone around me sick (sorry in advance, Will, but maybe this way you can finally take some time off. . .)

As diseases go, it is not bad. No boils or lesions, no weeping sores or anything like that. It is highly unlikely that I will even die or be otherwise inconvenienced by it. It is annoying, however, and it will not go away.

Being sick so that you can miss school on test day: cool. Being sick so you cannot really enjoy a wonderful autumn afternoon: not so much.

Funniest. Stand-Up. Ever.

2007-09-28T10:18:00.000-07:00

This is Demetri Martin. My favorite standup. Why? Just watch and see.

Shock and Awful

2007-09-24T08:32:00.001-07:00

I am in mourning for my Utes. If I had a flag pole, my crimson and white would be at half-staff. The game we failed to play on Saturday was as painful a loss as I have ever seen. We got skunked by UNLV, a team that has not beaten us since 1979. That sort of thing hurts. I was hoping, after our upset of UCLA that we might have snapped the early-season funk, but that seems now to not be the case.

I wish I could blame the loss on something else, but I have to place it where it lies: we stunk. Bad coaching, bad player mistakes, misques, and Andy Ludwig. We earned this loss. It was like watching your kid do drugs: you love them so much, but they just keep messing up. Not a happy day.

It has me so sad, that I can't even gripe.

Catch 22

2007-09-20T21:49:00.000-07:00

So, I am in a bit of a quandary. At my new place of work, which I overall love and appreciate, there is a bit of a cultural snafu going on. It is nothing official, but one of those unspoken rules that everyone has to abide by yet no one tells the new guys about. The rule is this: as a new guy, you are expected to know everthing right off the bat, and not to ask too many quesitons. Further, you are not to let on that you know anything what-so-ever, to show that you know your place as a new guy. In other words, they want you to be smart, but keep quiet about it. They want you to know everything, but don't want to teach you about it.

Now granted, not everyone is this way. My supervisors, thankfully, are not this way. But other people are. At a recent training I piped up to give my opinion. What my supervisors then heard from other higher-ups is that they felt the 'new people' were talking too much. Ergo the Catch 22: you have to prove yourself, but you can't talk too much, change too much, or ask any questions.

Maybe this is all agrivated by the fact that I work downstairs from HQ, and I hope that when I head out into the field things will improve. I do not do well bottled up. I can't believe that they hired me so I would stay quiet and ignorant, and consistently underachieve. So I am not going to let it get me down. I am gonna be the best employee I can possibly be. If people don't like that about me, then it is their problem. I will not be held back. There is only one way to win a hopeless game: don't play.

A Thing of Beauty is a Joy Forever

2007-09-15T17:45:00.000-07:00

And what a beautiful thing it was!

#11 UCLA at Utah. They were supposed to spank us. They were supposed to walk all over us. We had no chance. And then what happens? We DESTROY them 44 to 6. Our defense held UCLA to a mere 2 field goals, and blanked them in the second half. It was a joy, a pleasure, a near spiritual experience to behold. My only regret is that we were not in the stadium personally to watch it.

I like to consider it a personal birthday present from the team to me. Dana did everything she could to make my birthday a great one. Made my favorite breakfast, bought me Brain Age 2, got me a sweet cordless drill, and in general has treated me like a king. To have my Utes win over such a heavily favored team is the icing on the cake. What a great day.

So now I am 29. Weird. On the one hand I see myself doing things that I think are too grown up for me to be doing (marital therapy, for instance), yet on the other hand I feel like I have accomplished a lot in 29 years. I look back at the past and there are so many other things I might have done, so many other paths I could have taken. Who knows what else might have become of me if I had different friends, made different decisions, thought different things.

However I ended up where I am, I am glad of it. My life is pretty sweet. I have a wonderful and loving wife, a great job doing what I love, I am healthy, have good friends, a great family, and I am blessed to have such a close relationship with God. I truly feel incredibly blessed, and am so grateful for all of the positive influences in my life.

So on this happy day, I want to say thanks to everyone who has contributed to the happiness that is my life. Even to you, big jerk 9th grader who beat me up in 7th grade: thanks for showing me how stupid violence makes people look, and for showing me how not to be.

Car Shopping

2007-09-14T11:04:00.001-07:00

We need another car. Well, better said, I need another car. This whole public transit thing has got to go. I hate waiting for buses and trams, and if you want to know my feelings about Trax drivers, see Ouch. Plus, since we are moving away from the Trax lines anyway, the whole second car thing is no longer a matter of choice. So now I am left with, as the Germans say 'der Quahl der Wahl' that is, the difficulty of decision.

It would not be so bad if I just knew what kind of car we will need long-term. But I don't even know where we are moving. Will I have a long commute? Will I need a good winter car? Will we be able to do any off-roading? Will we be able to drive convertible year-round? The problem is that I just don't know. I would hate to buy a Jeep when what I need is a Civic.

So that leaves me in the position of trying to find the car for all seasons, but such a thing does not seem to exist. I want a car that is sporty, powerful, easy on the eyes and the MPG, one that I can go camping with but also drive to work everyday, 4wd options, a good stereo, and does not cost too much more than 20,000. Anyone know of a car like that?

Anyway, that is my current task. And then, once I have found the car, I will have to decide between new and used, and dicker about the price and features. Grrr.

Gripe O' the Day: People who call in to TV/Radio shows to tell the host how much they hate the show. I feel these people are fundamentally untrustworthy. I can't get past the idea that, if they really hated the show, they would not listen in the first place.

Personally, I hate liver. I hate anything even remotely related to liver. I will not eat it, period. My mom made me liver and onions once, and insisted that I eat the whole thing, and only let me leave the table after I almost threw-up after one bite. Since I hate liver, there is not a chance that I will put some in my mouth, chew it around a bit, then spit it out in disgust. It is not getting past my lips in any form,

Yet these callers seem to be doing something very similar. They hate a program, yet keep listening. Bunch of closet masochists if you ask me. My advice to them: change stations. In the end, that is the only meaningful way those people can have any effect on the hated program anyway. By calling in they are perpetuating the program, and giving people who like the program something to argue against. It just doesn't make any sense at all.

More to me than Football

2007-09-10T11:47:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I was looking back at the last few posts, and realised all I was talking about was University of Utah football. Well, that is not exactly a good representation of myself. True, during football season I am very passionate about my Utes, but there are many things I am passionate about, and if you can't talk about your passions on your blog, where can you talk about them?

One of the things I really enjoy is making things with my hands. I am sort of a jack-of-all-trades, particularly where ancient technologies are concerned. I have made my own arrowheads out of both flint and obsidian (and an old whiskey bottle), I learned how to make cordage and rope from just about every natural fiber source I have been able to find in Utah, and after that I learned how to do ancient Coil-Weaving (like picture #4). Well, having arrowheads and string, I then wanted to make an authentic bow. Well, no dice there. Bows are complicated. None of this simple stick and string nonsense. Making a bow the right way is tough, long, and exacting work, and involves the death of at least one large animal (for the sinew to make a good bowstring) so I had to scrap that one.

Some of the recent stuff I have made with my own two hands has been more practical and modern. I learned how to knit, sew and crochet. I have knit several simple peices, (scarves and blankets for the neices, etc.) and right now I am crocheting a hammock with a U of U theme. The best piece I have ever made, and the one I am most proud of, is a shirt of 4-in-1 chain maille. I made it just to see if I could, and because I was tired of 'girly' things like knitting and crochetting. As it turns out, chainmaille is a lot like knitting, just with galvanized steel instead of yarn. Instead of needles you use plyers. It is knitting on steroids, I guess.

Someday, my hope is to get a nice shop set up where I can make all the stuff I want without having to have it scattered all over the family room. That shop would ideally contain a forge and an anvil, because at heart I think I really am some kind of blacksmith. If I could get that dream realized, I could then merge my passion for creation with another of my passions: swords and knives.

Ok, so there is a little bit more about me. I am not just a U of U fanatic.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. . .

2007-09-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

Well actually, Saturday was mostly just the worst of times. U of U vs Air Force Academy. This was the first test of what our team would be capable of without starting QB and starting running back. And we were tested. In a game where we should have dominated at the line, we were unable to make anything happen with our run. And Andy Ludwig van Brokenbrain, true to form, was incapable of learning from his own failures, so he persisted in trying up-the-gut run plays for all of the first half, even though none of them were successful.

Finally, after the break, we started to run short passing routs. Good, simple, effective football. It was working, and would have been a complete success, but for the fact that Grady is as easy to read as Dr. Seuss. He was picked twice, and there was no other reason for that than good defence, and poor throwing. Even then, we managed to get a drive going, and could have moved into the lead. 3rd down and 1 yard to go on the Air Force 30, and what does Andy Loserwig call? A reverse run play!!! A play that is designed to lose yardage in the hope for a big gain!! Seriously, what is wrong with this guy? Whitt, please can him before he gets you both fired!

I could go on about this for days, but I will hold myself to this: even the up-the-gut nonsense Andy was running all first half was gaining 1 yard per play. Why, in the name of all that is good, do you call a complicated risky play that has the chance of losing yardage? Is Andy seriously that stupid? Unfortunately is seems as though he is.

Oh, and our best receiver got hurt in the game, and is out for the season. Soon enough, they will just let the defense stay on the field for the whole game, because the entire offense will be watching on crutches from the sidelines.

End of an Era

2007-09-06T08:54:00.001-07:00

The inevitable has finally happened: After six wonderful years, Dana and I have found out when we are going to be moving away from Shoreline. We have to be out of our apartment by October 31. It is going to be a sad day. We have both loved living up here. The ward is awesome, and we have made some really great friends.

We have to move out because I am no longer a student. In fact, we would have had to move out Sept 7th if not for the fact that Dana is staff, and that I called to beg them to let us stay. It is funny that the only time the good people at the former ORL have ever been on top of managerial things is to kick people out. Oh, well. We knew it was coming.

It was funny, because Dana and I went through about 20 different scenarios of how to stay up here, so we only have to move once I get transferred. We registered for classes, considered forcing them to evict us, petitioned for extensions, called the office of the University President, and even considered starting a petition. If it was possible, we considered doing it. In the end, though, we just realised that we would have to take our lumps and move out. No sense in paying tuition for classes I would never take, especially since I would have failed them, and that would have left a mark on my GPA.

So we are going to move out on the 31st. Moving on Halloween. What a bummer. I am so bummed that I don't even think I have the energy to write my gripe. Just know it was scathing, and I showed them no mercy.

Let it Flow!

2007-09-04T09:25:00.000-07:00

We live in a desert. This should not be a surprise to anyone who knows anything about Utah. I think I got rained on twice during the whole summer. We have all sorts of snazzy campaigns about saving water (Slow the Flow, save H2O). Some cities have even gone so far as to fine people who waste water. None of this is news to anybody. Why then, in the name of all that is sweet and good, is it impossible for the University of Utah to control their own water usage? Why does the U get to run their sprinklers at 10:00 am on Stillwell Field? Why does the U let broken sprinkler-heads spout water like Old Faithful for two weeks before fixing them? Why does the U seem to think that its sidewalks and streets need to be watered as much or more than its lawns?

Seriously, this baffles me. I have been at the U now for 6 years, and they have never used what I would consider smart water planning. Which reminds me:

Gripe O' the Day: Shoreline Ridge sprinkler timing. Over the course of six years, a lot has changed at Shoreline. A new playground was built for the growing number of kiddies. Garden plots for the green of thumb. Shopping carts for the long of walk. Even barbecue turrets and three-ton picnic tables were installed. A lot of effort has been made to make Shoreline a comfy and welcoming place to live. (Aside from the helicopter, but that is a different story). Why then, is it so impossible to change the timing of the sprinklers?

The picnic table by our house, by some perverse coincidence, is also in the region of sprinklers that turn on some time between 7:00 and 8:00 pm. Is there a more prime grilling time than 7:00 - 8:00 pm? Dana and I have gotten rained out at least four times, and so have started taking all of our bowls down with us, to cover the sprinklers when they come on.

This would not be so bad, except I have called the grounds people about this situation at least three times, and it seems as though the changing of the timing on a sprinkler system is tantamount to building a pyramid. Nobody there is up to the task. It is too complicated, too difficult, and makes too much sense.

Just a Gripe

2007-09-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

Don't have a lot of time today, so lets cut right to the chase.

Gripe O' the Day: Cosmetic Youth and/or Rejuvenating Creams. What a crock this stuff is. How long has some quack somewhere proported having a magical substance that could reverse or stop aging, keeping people young? Ponce de Leon ring a bell? Fountain of Youth? I can only hope that in three hundred years, the words Oil of Olay will sound just as farcical and silly.

It seems like every three months some cosmetic giant comes out with some new discovery in anti-aging technology. They sell these little miracles in the form of bottles of inch-thick glass containing 2 tsp of mysterious goo, for upwards of $50, and make a killing at it. My gripe basically is this - - they are either A) Selling a product that does nothing different than the one they sold five years ago, or they are B) Selling the exact same product they sold five years ago, but putting some new pointless peptide in there, and giving it a new name.

Nothing ever changes. These 'new technologies' have not even come close to solving the age-old problem of aging. I have never read a headline even close to 'Woman Bathes in Oil of Olay for One Year: Stops Aging Completely.' To sum up, I don't think the creams work. If they did, there would be no reason to reinvent them every three months, or improve them. They are a rip off. My consolation: my beautiful wife has never bought any of it. Nor will she ever need to. Age is also a form of beauty.

Ouch!

2007-08-31T07:37:00.000-07:00

So, the U got beat up last night, and for more than half of the team that is a literal statement. We were playing a good game until the 2nd quarter, when starting running-back Asiata went down with a broken lower leg. I was watching it at a buddys house, and he has TVo, so we replayed the injury to see what really happened. Gnarly. His right leg got bent out at least 30 degrees to the right. Clearly a break, likely both bones. Not quite Theisman-esque, but close. Made four grown men shiver and go 'EEEeeeewww!'

As if that weren't bad enough, we lost Johnson shortly afterwards to a separated shoulder. The guy gets smashed to the ground, gets up holding at his shoulder, walks over to the sidelines pointing at his shoulder, and what does Andy Ludwig do? CALLS A PASS PLAY! Well, as any vertebrate could predict, Johnson throws the pass (a good one, and a completion) and from that point on, cannot use his arm. Good call, coach Ludwig. You are a simpering moron. And that brings me to my first

Gripe O' the Day: Coach Ludwig and the Magical Mystery tour. Why, please tell me why, you have to try the speed wrap around play over and over again against a team that is faster and larger than yours? What is Ludwig thinking? 'Well, gee. That worked like crap. . . Hmm. Hey! Lets run the same crap again! They will never see that coming.' Or there is this stroke of genius:

The whole first half of the game, when we still had our roster intact, I was screaming that they needed to run quick routs to put a lid on the blitz and open up the run. Finally, FINALLY, Ludwig runs four recievers on quick routs and what happens? U of U touchdown. Normally I would not complain about this, but my gripe is that it never happened again. He started calling 9 yard sits with 12 yards to go. I mean, Football is a complicated game, but it is not rocket science. If you need 12 yards, and you only move the reciever 9 yards downfield, you HAVE NOT THOUGHT THINGS THROUGH. Anyone out there capable of telling me how many yards our team still needs? If so, you are smarter than good old Andy. Ludwig proves, time and time again, that he is not even qualified to be a kindergarten math teacher, let alone the OC for a D-1 team. Please, coach Whitt, fire this guy. Yeah, your offense got banged up. Key players were taken from the game. Sure. But this kind of insane (as in, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results) play calling is killing the program. I honestly feel like any U victory is a victory over and in spite of Andy Ludwig. He is killing us.

Gripe O' the Day #2: UTA TRAX drivers. These guys seem to all be anti-social sadists. I ran full bore down a steep hill and across a busy street wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase to catch a train just as it pulled up. Huffing and puffing, I reached my finger out to push the little illuminated green button to open the doors. Just before I push the button, it goes dark. I stand there, a little confused. The doors are not opening. I push the button again. Then yet again. No door-opening-action whatsoever. I look up at the driver, who is maybe ten feet from me, and I see his face clearly in the rear-view mirror. He is looking at me. He sits there for another ten seconds (no kidding) and then he PULLS AWAY! What a jerk. It would have cost him nothing to open the doors for me. I would not have made the slightest noticable difference to his punctuality. But no, TRAX drivers do not care about their passengers, it seems. They care about their schedule. What a crock. To the TRAX driver who pulled away without me: even in your closed in box where you talk to no other human being the whole day you managed to insult me. Your work is complete. Job well done.

GOOOOO UTES!!!

2007-08-30T15:28:00.000-07:00

Today is opening day for University of Utah Football. My wife and I are huge fans of the U, but particularly of U of U football. the game is away, at Oregon State, so we are going to a buddy's house to watch on his big-screen. I am so pumped for the season to start. It has been too long. Go Utes!

This heat has GOT TO GO!

2007-08-30T05:54:00.000-07:00

I am done with summer. Heat has got to go. I want cool nights, warm days, and some lounging in my hammock. I want camping on long weekends, hiking through the fall colors, and watching football. OK, so I would take the football no matter what the temperature, but this heat is seriously getting to me. Heat makes me grumpy. Grumpy makes me want to. . .

Gripe o' the Day: E-surance commercials. Are you kidding me? Its like with each successive commercial, they fire the dumb guy from before and hire someone stupider. At first the dumb chick was a spy (being pursued by the Three Stooges), but now they have her fighting giant monsters? Give me a break. And why do we have to suffer through their horrible graphics and pathetic writing? I hate them. I will never, ever, ever buy E-surance specifically because of their advertising. Their ads are insulting. I mean, some insurance ad campaigns are great. I love the Geiko gecko, and the Allstate ones aren't bad either. E-surance is clearly the bottom of the barrel, the dregs of insurance advertising. I feel like suing them for emotional damages, and for ruining my TV.

OK, that's all for now. Going to the Utes game tonight. Well, not really, since they are playing Oregon State in Oregon, but I am going to a party to watch the game. GO UTES!!!!

Setting Sail

2007-08-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

I like to believe, though I cannot prove, that I am a descendant of John Roberts, aka Bertholomew Roberts, aka Black Bart, aka The Dread Pirate Roberts. Plus, I think the name is catchy, and I like to wear masks (they are terribly comfortable).

This blog is my happy place, where I go to vent and wax grandiose. It is neither intended to be serious nor insightful. Should insight or seriousness happen, contact your physician. If you are a physician, contact yourself.

Gripe O' the Day: Dumb guy on Trax who did not think he could go to Temple Square to see the lights because he is "Christian." - - Sir, I am a Mormon, and I would have no problem visiting the Vatican, the Wailing Wall, or even Meccah if they let me. I can visit those places because I respect the people for whom those places are sacred. I think that you avoid Temple Square, not because you are a Christian, but because you are a closed-minded bigot. Or maybe because the sister missionaries scare you. Whatever the reason, your avoidance of Temple Square is a farce. You are avoiding Mormons, and do not want to be associated with Mormons. In other words, you are prejudiced, and do not respect the people for whom Temple Square is a holy place. The problem then, is neither with the Mormons or with Temple Square, but rather with you, yourself.